Depression

[Joy]

Do you sometimes have trouble with depression or am I the only one? I am taking an anti depressant for the past 3 years, but some days it just hit me. I think it is because I am so abnormal in a very normal world. I have never met any other SB patients. I am married and have two beautiful normal children. I can walk, but have bowel and bladder control problems. Is it normal for SB patients to suffer from depression?

[Gymp]

I suppose it hits us all at one time or another,including perfectly healthy people.The only people I've met with SB (other than the kids I met in hospital while growing so up long ago) are the folks here. :^)

My neurogenic bladder and bowel have been the bane of my existence for most of my life,a constant worry.I am married,happily too I might add,two grown kids and four grandkids at last count.I did finally learn to accept myself for what and who I am in this world and will keep trudging on.

Waking up each morning getting a cup of coffee and then reading and posting here at the forum is my therapy,reaching out and sharing to those like me.I'm glad I found this place.

Gymp

[dahliafaolan]

I think it's normal for us all to suffer some form of it at one time or another. I remember when I hit about 18, I actually went into therapy for it. I was having to deal with being in a relationship that was starting to be serious and having to worry about what he would think about my body. Before that, I didn't really care what anybody thought about it. But that relationship really sort of drilled into my head that I was different. That my body wasn't like everyone else's. And I'm with Gymp, the bladder and bowel issues do really put a cramp in the style. There are still days when it really gets me down (when I'm getting intimate with the man I love and we have to stop because he has to clean up the mess), but knowing that there are other people like me and that there are still people who love me helps me through. Just God help us all when it's that time of the month for me. When I get depressed, my boyfriend will usually check the calendar. If I'm not due for my monthly visitor, THEN he gets worried. lol

[Summer25]

I have been on Paxil since the age of 12. I am now 25 and still have my issues, but it helps.

[sean]

I was diagnosed clinically depressed in my late twenties, suspected to have been in a state of depression since childhood.
I beilieve depression can be clinical as in actual brain function deficite? you know connections malformed, damaged or didn't form in the brain.
Then there's reactive depression (I think the most common) where your depression comes from your reaction to the world around you.
I've mentioned before I personally think depression is oppression of expression.
Also I think it's a sign of the times thing that it's so recognisable and previlant these days, the world/people have taken off into fast pace high tech' world, too fast for the average mere mortal to keep up with. No time to stop and feel.
Doesn't feel good, quick move on.
I think in recent centuries you were either just melancholy, drink some yaks pee and you'll be fine, keep it up your declared mad and locked up.
For about the last eight years I feel I'm living in a kind of remmission, really looking after myself, very hopefull that it's all behind me.
All is forgiven but damn it! never to be forgotten.
I've been able to somewhat pin point the beginning of my depression to age 6/7 and a direct non biological link to being Spina Bifida.
The basis/foundation was a 'death wish'. I have lived the best part of my life in preparation to die. Mostly a sub-conscious thing, driven unconsciously.
The whole mortality thing with Spina Bifida, I was obviously reminded of it often as a kid, coupled with the lack of connection, hence rejection from my troubled mother. Who still at twentyeight, last time we spoke, wishes that she went through with her attempt to do me in as a kid. She doesn't know me, just the very worst of me for the first 6/7 years.
I never met another person with Spina Bifida, all I knew was there was no one alive with Spina Bifida over the age of thirty, everyone dies before that.
I was pretty much encouraged to expect to die before I hit thirty.
Actually turning thirty was a traumatic time for me, even though I knew the facts by then. I felt the need to somehow rebirth myself.......Ranting.
I am wonderfully strong now, getting older and far enough away from it helps.
It's all kind of understandable and easilly forgivable, just my lot, the challenge.
I've been taking anti-depressants for OMG! just over 20 yrs. I hate the dependency but they obviously help me. It's a beautiful cloudy rainy cold day, life is great!!!
This site, you guy's, being able to tell this stuff, a gift.

[angel]

I think depression hits us all at some point or other. Disabled or not disabled none of us are immune to it. I have never viewed myself as abnormal. I do what i gotta do to deal with the things that SB throws at me then I go about my business.
I just can't live that way. I can't let it get to me like that. I am afraid if it did then I wouldn't be able to shake it. Call it fear or desperation or whatever you want but I make a concious decision every day to give it only the room I have to and no more in my life.
My son has SBO and I get more upset over his problems than i do my own but i think that is true about any parent with any problem thier child may have.
I am always aware of the situations that nurogenic bladder puts me in. I have come up with a bunch of different ways to handle it. I never go anywhere unprepaired, I watch what i consume because different things have different affects etc. I have taken as much control over it as I possibly can the rest just has to be dealt with.

Angel

[Joy]

I was diagnosed clinically depressed in my late twenties, suspected to have been in a state of depression since childhood.
I beilieve depression can be clinical as in actual brain function deficite? you know connections malformed, damaged or didn't form in the brain.
Then there's reactive depression (I think the most common) where your depression comes from your reaction to the world around you.
I've mentioned before I personally think depression is oppression of expression.
Also I think it's a sign of the times thing that it's so recognisable and previlant these days, the world/people have taken off into fast pace high tech' world, too fast for the average mere mortal to keep up with. No time to stop and feel.
Doesn't feel good, quick move on.
I think in recent centuries you were either just melancholy, drink some yaks pee and you'll be fine, keep it up your declared mad and locked up.
For about the last eight years I feel I'm living in a kind of remmission, really looking after myself, very hopefull that it's all behind me.
All is forgiven but damn it! never to be forgotten.
I've been able to somewhat pin point the beginning of my depression to age 6/7 and a direct non biological link to being Spina Bifida.
The basis/foundation was a 'death wish'. I have lived the best part of my life in preparation to die. Mostly a sub-conscious thing, driven unconsciously.
The whole mortality thing with Spina Bifida, I was obviously reminded of it often as a kid, coupled with the lack of connection, hence rejection from my troubled mother. Who still at twentyeight, last time we spoke, wishes that she went through with her attempt to do me in as a kid. She doesn't know me, just the very worst of me for the first 6/7 years.
I never met another person with Spina Bifida, all I knew was there was no one alive with Spina Bifida over the age of thirty, everyone dies before that.
I was pretty much encouraged to expect to die before I hit thirty.
Actually turning thirty was a traumatic time for me, even though I knew the facts by then. I felt the need to somehow rebirth myself.......Ranting.
I am wonderfully strong now, getting older and far enough away from it helps.
It's all kind of understandable and easilly forgivable, just my lot, the challenge.
I've been taking anti-depressants for OMG! just over 20 yrs. I hate the dependency but they obviously help me. It's a beautiful cloudy rainy cold day, life is great!!!
This site, you guy's, being able to tell this stuff, a gift.


I must say for the first time I can relate with other SB patients. Yes, this site is a gift. You will definitely hear more from me! I also had a troubled mother and I also believe she had an impact on how I see myself. She was the one that told me I would never get a husband and that I will die young. To this day we don't have a relationship. To belong is one of the strongest emotions one can have. I feel much better. Thanx to all of you for posting your comments on depression. JOY JOY JOY

[andylpool]

Some days you feel a bit down, but listen ... you just got to deal with it and get on with things. No use just sitting there and dwelling on things. This is what you were born with, so accept it. Life goes on

[eng188]

Do you sometimes have trouble with depression or am I the only one? I am taking an anti depressant for the past 3 years, but some days it just hit me. I think it is because I am so abnormal in a very normal world. I have never met any other SB patients. I am married and have two beautiful normal children. I can walk, but have bowel and bladder control problems. Is it normal for SB patients to suffer from depression?

I have SB myelomeningocele. I walk with crutches. I have ALWAYS had trouble with depression, and it gets tougher for me as I get older (I'm 33). Like you, I feel a bit abnormal because I'm trying to get along with able bodies. It's their world, or so it seems at times.

With me, sometimes I try too hard to fit in with a certain crowd or person, and it burns me in the end. Other times, I probably put up barriers and am not open to a good friendship without knowing it.

Yes, it is hard to know where to fit in in this world, in my mind. I had two fallings out on one night in 2007 and had very seriously contemplated ending it. I am so glad I didn't, though.

It's good to try to meet some SB's. Doesn't mean you need to restrict yourself to only hanging with them. Quite honestly, most fellow SB's I've met are very low on the social functioning scale, and it's tiresome being around them. But at least it gives me a measuring stick to compare where I am.

[Dodger67]

Interesting that you say you meet others with SB but that they are socially "low functioning", this may be worth exploring.
Thoughts or experiences anyone?

[eng188]

I'm not trying to repeat anything here; I seemed to irritate you before with this. But I will say, I was in a group home for SB's that is run by the SBAA's Western PA chapter. It is a temporary facility, but legally a group home. I spent a few terms there working with their job and life coaches trying to get my life in order, and educate me more on SB.

There were an average of 14 young adults there in the two years I was there, and it was mostly SB with hydro, and yes, most had some profound social difficulties (even MR), but others didn't, and just needed a push in a positive direction. Maybe just some structure to their daily activities re: hygiene and social issues.

But then there was another SB I knew, Eric Kneitzel (sp), who was a very accomplished wheelchair racer. Even went to Oita, Japan for a marathon. Has had no problems securing jobs, etc.

SB comes in all sorts of forms. But we seem at times to be out of the societal norm. And that is depressing.

Just my experiences. Yours will differ.

[Dodger67]

I believe overprotective parenting is to blame for many cases of poor socialisation in disabled adults.
If you're over 18 and your mother still decides what you order in a restaurant, there's a problem.

[angel]

I believe overprotective parenting is to blame for many cases of poor socialisation in disabled adults.
If you're over 18 and your mother still decides what you order in a restaurant, there's a problem.

With out a doubt it is a HUGE problem!!! There are many parents that disable their kids way more than the SB ever could! I have met them, I have talked to them I know they are out there. It is a horrible thing to do to anyone to not be able to let go so they can live a normal life. Others are hearing things all thier lives like, it's just not fair that this happened to you, you can't do (insert anything here) because of your disability, and a number of other horrible things that parents say thinking they are just being protective or telling it like they think it is. Doing anything for them they can do for themselves because "it is hard for them" or "I don't like to see them struggle" or "what if they fall or hurt themselves trying" I think it is safe to say that most of us don't break easily! The parenting instinct is strong it is sometimes hard to see your child as a seperate person and not want to overide everything and just protect. I get that I know that feeling and have had to fight my feelings and remind myself he is a person, independent of me and sometimes to protect them from life itself is just the WRONG thing to do. I have let my son learn the hard lessons that come with life because that is how we learn. I could have probably sheilded him from so many things (and of course that is what i wanted to do) but just had to remind myself that I can't. Since my son was old enough to read a menu he picked out his food and ordered it himself! Since he was a toddler and learned how to put on clothes he did it himself. He does everything for himself now except cook. He helps with laundry, he is responsible for his things and his room. He has all the responsibility he can that is appropriate for his age. I did as well my SB was never ever a factor.


I think another big problem is not just the parents but US. Not all of us but some of us. I went to the national conference in louisville the first time and was so pissed off!!! We need to look at ourselves and just notice how we seperate ourselves! A lot do it and don't even realize it. I can't remember exact instances it was a couple years ago but I remember thinking to myself we are just as big a problem to ourselves as anything else. The truth is there is no US and THEM.

Parents and disabled people alike don't stop to think how many of our emotions are the same. Example a mom was talking to me and was worried about her son going to college. Moving out of the house would scare him to death, he would feel lost in such a big place, he didn't know anyone etc.... I asked her "How did you feel when you did the same thing at his age? Were you not nervous about some things to? After she sat there and thought about it she pretty much felt those exact things she was worried he would feel. I told her if you got through it he will get through it.

We are much more the same than we are different but no one focuses on that they only look at the differences then exaggerate the hell out of them. Disabled people are just as guilty as the non disabled.

Angel

[Sheena51985]

I'm 24 years old and I was diagnosed with depression when I was 16 right sfter my Dad died of a sudden massive heart attack..I got put on Zoloft for 2 years, then I stopped taking it because I thought I could control it on my own..did fine for about 5 years..until this past winter..then it got to the worst its ever been..so I'm back on the Zoloft..I still have my days, but, even then, its NOTHING like it was before..I can actually turn a negative situation into a positive now..where as, before, I could only see the bad in everything

[Dodger67]

Amen sister!
We bitch about being treated as an underclass but to a very large extent we build our own ghetto!

(BTW You have just written the core of a chapter or two of THE BOOK! )

[Gymp]

The truth is there is no US and THEM.

There it is,you've hit the nail on the head Angel!!!

Truer words could not have been said.We're all just people and we all have different circumstances that we're faced with,overcoming and dealing with these circumstances is just plain old life no matter who or what you are.

Gymp

[sean]

I am probably the lowest socially functioning person I know. LOL.
Writting on this site, writting... I am the person I'm meant to be, at last!!!
Meet me in person, I can barely string two words together, I am shaking telling this.
I am the scared little weird guy in the corner with sweaty palms, my face sweats, I know I have the look of fear on my face warning people not to talk to me.
My brain does not function in the company of people, my mind is in my bladder/bowel.
I know it sounds all psycho/social dysfunction and it is on a psycho/social level and shame! it wasn't seen and delt with as a lad, always been a loner.
BUT I am so happy, love my independence, if people look like thier trying to make friends, eg' neighbours I often hear myself saying I'm freindly but not sociable, particularly if I feel an invite looming. This is the way I am and I'm very content with it, just don't talk to me. lol. I love quiet and peace I would have done well to enter a monastic life of silence, deep thought, gardening perhaps a little wine making.

I do agree 95% it's all US, but it's that 5% of difference that makes it US and THEM.
That 5% makes a world of difference between us......and them.
eg, what's the point of this site? too easy to see the positive all the time, not real.

[angel]

The point of this site is to group people together that share something. We have something in common with each other. There are groups all over the net to group people together that have things in common.

Angel

[printemps]

Wow I can definately relate to what you all are saying . For me I fell in to a real funk / depression in my 20s . I had wanted and hoped for the social things I thought every one but me was getting ie relationships , a girlfriend .. all that but I was just so shy and aware of my issues , sometimes painfully aware of especially my incontinence , the diapers , the leg bags, cathing all that stuff ! This accounted for my social awkwardness my inability to connect i guess. Man I just felt so down for a long time . yeah there is some stigma associated with things but I have to admit I have to lay most of the blame for my insecurities with me . I had that cliche " why me " " poor me " thing going . Man Im glad thiose times are over . I am a happy old Sb geezer now at 50 . I have to count myself as lucky I dont have clinical depression that can be horribly debilitating and it is something to take seriously ! mY Girlfriend has OCD and depession and takes meds for it. I count myself lucky I dont have that to deal with . The bladder thing is still for me a big issue and I do find myself slipping into feeling uptight about it but try to stop those thoughts as best I can if I find them being intrusive .

[Gymp]

I can really relate to what you just wrote printemps,I was much the same way and it got to the point where I'd just sit in the house never go out and wallow in my own misery.I'd think why bother,what lady would wanna be with a guy who hasn't even learned to go to the bathroom.I'd turn down going to concerts and other outings because I'd think what if I'd have an accident and spring a leak,heaven forbid if the washroom stalls didn't have doors and someone would see the bag urinal I was wearing.It was easier to stay at home where all was safe and wonder about the good time I was missing and if I wasn't born like this I'd be out there having a good time too,"why me,poor me"...

It got to the point where some my friends started not asking me if I wanted to go with them....Hell why bother poor ole' ______ he just wants to stay at home and do nuthin.One day a good friend stopped by and said W.T.F. are you gonna sit here alone all your life,we're your friends,if you have one of them accidents do you think we're going to abandon you or something???The topic then got round to the ladies and he said,Hell,what's the worst that happen,the worst is they can say no,and if they say that,then move on,plenty of fish out there...

Well my friends are important to me so I started forcing myself to go out and slowly those self pity feelings faded and I was out there having a good time.My friend was right too about the ladies,sure some said no but then again some said yes,yes,yes...

It was also true that I wouldn't be abandoned because of an accident.I was out for the weekend with my buddies 400 miles out of town,stupid me drank the water and when "Montezuma's Revenge" reared his ugly head we were getting ready for the long drive home.It was bad, the sh*t was just running out of me.They laid down plastic garbage bags on the car seat for me to sit on and the driver put the pedal to the medal and we flew home with no stops along the way as I was a mess.After we got home and in the days that past nothing was ever mentioned about it,and yes they did ask me to come along with them on other out of town excursions and yep I did go.

I'm really glad my friend stopped by that day way back when and helped me get out of that rut,Life's tooo short.

Oh Yeah...I still get the thoughts of what'll happen if..... I just don't let those thoughts get the better of me!

Gymp

[lkh001]

Wow, reading the comments below your post sound like my life. As a child I often felt "out of place" among my peers. But "too healthy" when I went to clinic visits. Although I have two beautiful children and an extremely supportive husband, you can feel very isolated with this. And the depression that can happen because of the pain. I have been on anti-depressants/anxiety medication for 7 years now. I can tell you my life and those of my family is so much better because of them. I was on Paxil for several years, then Zoloft, and two weeks ago began Cymbalta. Seem to be working, although doesn't seem to affect the chronic pain any as I also had hoped it would.
Keep pressing on, know you are not along and seek that medical help.

[sean]

G'day, I'm switching my thoughts and 'actions' to do with my depression to here, don't want to be disturbing the young.
I know only a week or so since my 'break' from my routine/rut.
I have happily canceled my news papers, not even thinking of watching the evening news. As I glaced at all the front pages and mags while at the newsagent, I'm not missing anything by only listening to the radio news, ABC and a local cool station.
Point is part of my rut was to keep myself down by bombarding myself with the worries of the world. I had to know!,for what!!
I hope to get a habit of pushing myself to change.... one little thing at a time, as I've been at it a while I'm feeling ??? don't know the word, a roll forward.
Good things are happening, I gave these guys a hand doing some fencing for a couple of nieghbours a few weeks back. I scored a pile of terrific recycable timber, I have months worth of timber to play with.
I have been freaking out that there might be rats in my roof, doing nothing but wishing they would move on or whatever. The freak out is not wanting to be killing them as everyone might expect. And I have two monster cats, not a clue, Princes.
It's not rats!! it's green tree frogs! Warm stormy night last night, heard the scuffling exit, outside up the ladder, like a family, sitting up on the gutter looking out into the garden and at me. Usually hear them big time before you see them, I'm tickled!
And I won 20$ for a 1$ lottery today.
Add something good or take something bad away one thing at a time, it's all good.

[Gymp]

I'm glad things are more UP for you Sean,a little at a time is good.
Cool on the score of lumber,I've got a bunch of 12ft. 2x2's in the garage waiting til next spring to be made into a new compost heap bin.I had an absolutely rotten time with my veggie garden this year,I had to toss some 40lbs of tomatoes into the compost heap due to a blight caused by a really wet summer.We only had about one weeks worth of true summer weather this year.Oh well maybe next year eh.The days are getting alot shorter,the nights are alot cooler and winter will be here before I know it and I'm dreading that,Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.It won't be long til the days are only 8 hours long and the -20 deg C and colder weather sets in.Gotta stock up on the hot chocolate and hurry up and get my new antenna build and erected before the snow flies.

Glad you've got frogs instead of rats,rats have been known to chew through electrical wiring,making for a real fire hazard.

Gymp

[sean]

Thanks Gymp, I made a compost bin, bugger!, white ants attacked it, need some corrigated tin, keeping an eye out. I eat tomatoes as regularly as I eat potatoes,bugger! I get healthy looking plants with plenty of fruit but as they ripen grubs grow inside them, and humidity gets to them. Trying to keep it organic no pesticides, not easy.
Sub-tropics here, hail storms due around now, my vegi garden has turned into a big tossed salad a couple of times now, within minutes.
Hey, just as you think the battle is over the war goes on!
Do you get a lot of snow, do you enjoy it, do you have a white christmas and open fires?

[Gymp]

Do you get a lot of snow, do you enjoy it, do you have a white christmas and open fires?

We can get tons of snow,it varies from year to year,last year we had a blizzard that lasted 3 days.The first part of the blizzard (1st day ) dumped 1.2 meters of snow within 6 hours of the onset.I was at my sisters house and walked home through it,the plow had been by but I was still knee deep trudging through it in the middle of the road.It basically shut our fair city down for 2 days.I used to like it but not anymore.It's nice to look at but if you gotta shovel it you soon learn to hate it,especially if it's been wind borne and packed tight into drifts.I've got good neighbours though and they see me limping about and come and help me.Thank Goodness for that!!!
I've seen many a white Christmas,nope we don't have a fireplace so no fire.We have fires in the summer when we have our get togethers with friends in our backyards.

I don't use pesticides in my garden either,nothin' but good ole cow sh*t and compost for fertilizer.This year my swiss chard was getting eaten by slugs.I put out a few plate fulls of beer,I was drowning about ten every night,it helped the swiss chard alot.Better the chard in my belly than theirs.

Good luck with the grubs,you may want to try some milky spore (an all natural product) for around the base of the plants so the eggs can't get laid in the flowers of the tomato plant...maybe?

Gymp

[sean]

Gymp sorry delayed reply just found it, I must go straight to latest posting, bit slow!
I have a few tomatoe seedlings just comming up out of compost, I'll give them some attention. Feeling a bit defeated with tomatoes, first time in years I have planted some.
Milky spore, not sure what it is, is it like white oil, milk veg oil and water emulsified?
Swiss chard, heard of it, not common hear, is it like spinach?
In my younger days we had actual fires in the back yard at get togethers, the classic Aussie BBQ. These days with fire restrictions and the take over of BBQ's that look like you could fly to the moon in them, those days are gone. Thanks

[dahliafaolan]

Have you guys ever tried planting marigolds in your gardens? My father used to say that marigold was a natural bug repellent. I'm not really sure how true that is. The few years we tried it, hurricanes transplanted our gardens to the neighbors' yards.

[nolda]

I went through some of the posts. It's true we parents over protect our childern. The fear of bringing up a disabled child in a normal society is a fearsome experience for me. I was and am self a dependent person (I mean would like to depend less on others and take help were it is unavoidably required). I was in my early 20s and to get a sb child knowing nothing about it and not too sound financially and also in a society were people then were less educated about their attitudes towards a disabled person. The bitter experiences made me insecure and I pushed my daughter to over come her disability giving her all sorts of possible treatment forgeting totally rehabilittation is the only way out. It's not easy to live a stressless life to any person specially disabled and their close care takers. Many things are expressed and felt as there are many slips between the cup and the lip. Only hope can sustain a person to live on celebrating life. I have encouraged my daughter to try everything walking traffic which she has done as a kid but with the conditions around and the people having much sympathy than any empathy it has been a great struggle. She likes people around that too normal people she doesn't like in to be in depressed thoughts though she always protrays to me depressed feeling. She likes traveling and speaking which are two difficult tasks for a handicaped individual. So hope sustains one to live.

[Gymp]

Dahli - Yep,your Dad's right,Marigolds do make for a great natural bug repellent.When you mentioned Hurricanes I realized you're in Louisiana,how did you fare through Katrina???I had watched the whole Spike Lee's Katrina documentary and thought WOW,to live through something like that must have been awful.All we get here is the odd tornado passing through,maybe one every year or so.The last one that ripped through tore off the whole roof of a school I used to go to,my Mom's house abuts that school's property and is only about 20 feet away from it.Her house with Mom in it at the time was luckily left unscathed.

Sean - Milky Spore is a powder that's sprinkled around an area.It targets grubs only,other insects including bees,pets,animals and people are not affected at all by it.I've never had a need to use it.I only have grubs in the lawn and them being there doesn't bother me,seeing as I don't eat the grass,if I did I'd be looking into using it.
Here's where you can get some...

Garden Extra
58-60 Crystal Street
Petersham NSW 2049
Tel: +61 2 9569 3200

When you compost do you compost all your plants from the garden?If you compost diseased plants it's sure to show up again and again when you use that compost.I had some Downy Mildew on my cucumbers one year (destroyed the whole patch) and I not thinking I composted the diseased plants and sure enough I had the same downy mildew problem the following year.It wasn't til my Mom explained to me that composting bad stuff = growing bad stuff.
We're not allowed to have fires in our yards either,I believe there's a 500 dollar fine if you're caught having one.The neighbours are good soooo we do it anyhow,as long as nobody complains,there's no reason for the fire department to show up. :-) Mind you,we don't have any rip roaring bonfires,just small little fires in safe areas surounded by cement blocks or rocks.If the fire department were to show up I'd plead ignorance and swear I would not do it again and hopefully get off with just a warning.

Gymp

[sean]

Thinking of you if your in the winter blues (I know), it's spring into summer here down under. Sunny days are lifting me up into activity.
While I'm up and positive, in the back of my mind is, to prepare some sort of project or activity that helps distract me through the winter months.
Got a few books out of the library (few years back) taught myself to knit. I knitted a queen size patchwork blanket, it's now a treasure. Another time , again library, read all there was about preserves and jams. I had a big collection of jars, filled every one. Doesn't cost much, except time and effort. I think that's what makes preserves a particularly feel good thing to share. My lime marmalaide 10/10.
My Rune making and wood carving (in minature) is always there for me, I guess like getting lost reading, before you know it, all day, I'm like that with wood work.
Isn't it amazing how time slows down the faster you want it to pass.
And time flies when your having fun.
Not that I recomend it, but wallowing in grey cold days can work for you, if you work them. For me writting a few lines or a few pages (rant) daily, sometimes it makes me madder, sometimes better. Mid spring I read what I wrote........what can I say....
for me, a wake up call. It's all so deep ugly and personal, the difference in mindset from then to now just glares at me (who was I, what was I thinking!)
Guess what I'm saying is 'for me' (alone, time to spend, the strength not to drown in my wallowing (suicide no longer an option)). Winter down time, instead of the conflict of resisting (putting on a happy face) I let myself go with it a little at a time, it's sort of inviteing pain. I'm so sick of it I'm kind of challenging it, bring it on, see if you can make me feel any worse!!!
I think by taking 'dead' out of the equation, I have taken control of this beast of depression. I do think of my depression as separate to the greater me. The greater me is maintaining the upper hand, like a lion tammer, chair and whip, back off!!!!
Funny thing (to me) My diagnosis is no longer 'clinically depressed', I am now 'organically depressed' Like OMG! I am so cool!.
If your having a grey cold day, please just for me, put on a slow cooking stew or the like, bake the old fashioned way, a favourite desert and a big hot chocolate with marshmallow and sprinkles. Let yourself do nothing or get off your bum and do something, cold grey days might be around for a while, but not for ever.
Take care, we need you. sean

[LisaJoy]

Sean, I know your words are for Gymp, but they are good advice for all of us! I'm glad you are feeling better these days. I think all of us go through those stretches where just getting from one day to the next is a full-time job.

Lime marmalade! Sounds wonderful -- I've never seen any citrus but orange in marmalade, jam, preserves or jelly. What's the difference between those anyway? I'm fond of apricot & plum preserves, but lime sounds great.

Anyone ever seen lime marmalade in the US? Trader Joe's? Whole Foods?

[Lifeisgood]

I have not seen it, but it sounds intriguing.

[sean]

I'm thinking of Gymp and anyone in the northern hemisphere battling the winter blues.

BTW, I am very much looking forward to the Winter Olympics in Vancouver.

Marmalade is made including skin and pith, skin and pith boiled sparately, the water added to the fruit and sugar.
Pectin, the jelling agent tends to be in the skin of thick skinned fruits/citrus.
Marmalade is generally a little thicker in consistancy, recognised by a small amount of peel through it.
Jams, generally skin is not used. Jams are made from fruits where pectin is in the flesh of the fruit. Berries you cook the lot.
You won't get an orange jam made from just flesh, not enough pectin.
Understanding pectin is the SSHhhsecret, what fruits have how much and when, straight from the tree to the pot is best, pectin levels drop after picking.
Jellies are jams with every skerrick of pulp strained out of it, like a jellyfied pure fruit juice only sweeter.
My Lime marmalade, a winner! As a kid I was envious of neighbours who had lime cordial and lime marmalade. The brand name is 'Roses' I don't think it's an aussie product.
It's expensive, about twice the price of others. it's very delicious.
Citrus trees grow well around here, there are orange lemon and lime orchards close by.
I have a Lemonade Lemon, a Navel orange and a Tahitian Lime in my garden.
The Lime tree, literally bursting at the seams, the trunk and some branches split with the weight of the fruit. They are horrible to eat, you can't, but for cooking and marmalade sensational. The marmalade is like sweet citrus sherbert, a real tang to it.
I see a market! I wonder if the orchardists around here have tried it, probably making more selling limes at I think about 80c a piece. SEAn

[Gymp]

What me....Nawwww I don't get the winter blues,I've got no time for that.I'm just really busy getting ready for winter.I've been kinda sick for the last week and a half too but I'm still getting things done.Last week I got caught in a hail storm while on me bike,wow does it ever hurt getting pelted in the head with pea sized chunks of ice...ouch!
Tomorrow my sis and I will be heading to our Mom's house to get her place ready for winter.

There's frost every morning now and the day time temps are getting quite cooler and it's dark by 5pm.,I've got the snow shovels at the ready beside the house.

Come on old man winter,I hate your guts but I'll take you on.....gimme your best shot,you ain't gonna git me down.lol

Hmm...marmalade,sounds good Sean.

Gymp

[Gymp]

Cool on the knitting there Sean,I myself have taken up sewing.Since the wife's paralyzed on the left side she can't mend clothes anymore sooooo I'm the one who does it now.A few years ago I bought an expensive winter coat and last spring the zipper busted,rather than chuck out the coat that still had many miles to go I bought a new zipper and sewed it in,it's now good as new.
I also darn socks,sew on buttons and do hems on pants or the wife's dresses and skirts,all by hand,I don't own a sewing machine but I may get one one day.I grew up with 3 sisters and a Mom who made our clothes so sewing sorta came easy to me.

Sean please explain rune making.

Well gotta go and get Mom's house ready for winter....Have a pleasant day all !!!

Gymp

[sean]

Thanks Gymp, ouch! I get a hole in my socks, I throw them out, buy a new pair.

Gee, rune making, I have mentioned it a few times here, generally it's something I've been discreet about. I'm not sure there are words to explain how or why. I feel pleasantly driven. It's more than the craft work/hobby I had always been looking for.
It more than suits the sitting quiet, creative hand work I was needing. I have a space set up, any time I feel the urge they're there.
I can sit down to just finish a little bit, six hours pass, it's getting dark the pets are starving, my bag is bursting, I'm starving.
It has become a meditation, I can't see me not having a set of runes in the making.

I am a big fan of Carl Jung, psychologist and his work with the subconscious, dreams and symbolism. Always been interested in symbols as communication and its origin.
Exploring my Celtic heritage, I'm enchanted by Celtic symbolism, it's the gaze, I love it. I've read a lot about runes, I made some for myself, it felt so good I kept on making them. At the time I was thinking gifts or maybe a stall in a market.
Over a winter I had made 20/30 sets, gave several away, word got out.
I've given everyone I know a set so I now make them for (me 1st) a book/gift shop in town and a groovy hippy clothing gift shop in a near by town. No time frame no pressure no money, we barter.
The runes, I make are (with the blessings of the local aboriginal elders) from local river stones and local native timbers. It's a respectfull taking and giving process in its self, I would never just take a branch from a tree (unless it presents its self to be taken)
this is where it becomes unexplainable/spooky, I intuitively recieve materials, never without giving.
I chip, carve, burn and paint the symbols. I mostly use timbers of particular natives.
I see runes in an old branch and go about making them. I turn that old decomposing sad old branch into something at the very least preserved and beautiful.
Because I'm working with natives and (small) branches that are of no use to humans, I've discovered a world of grains,life lines and designs in the polished, waxed, laquered cross cut of these branches. A local Grevillea, once polished and laquered is like a star, there's always a difference, a surprise. I love working with wood.
Here's a poem that goes with every set.

VIKING RUNES Elder Futhark.

Who am I to be making these runes!
Well I can not say, I altogether know to be sure,
It is in the welcoming of enchantment into my life, the lure.
It is not knowing or believing, it's the not knowing,
without deceiving.
It's a sacred friendship, with the sacred self.
Whether a toy, a trinket or Oracle, I just make them.
I am driven by my sense of preservation and the natural.
The soup of spirit we swim in, a little time that's all.
Curse and or gift, Animist I may be,
Is it for me to say, could well be.
A mere messenger of your own riddle,
The reward, not knowing, or just a giggle.
Well now, go and play.

Himself Sean.

If you want to see runes or know more goggle runes,tons of info'
There's nothing religious, cultist, satanic or nasty about them. Runic symbols were one of the first alphabets of communication.
Personally I read my runes when I feel the need to change the energy in me or around me. Personally I find by ritualising my readings, making everything just so, breathing focusing, reading some interpretations taking my own interpretation, thinking differently deeper, even for that few moments, I feel I'm getting a second opinion from my subconscious, from me! that I would not otherwise have considered. It just opens a little window in my mind, enough to let go of some unwanted energy or welcome in some new energy. I'm not fanatical, they just feel so right for me.
Hope I'm not freakin you out, think I may have tooo much to say. sean.

[Gymp]

Hey ... I get attached to old socks,back off...LOLOL.(at 15 dollars a pair for good insulating socks I'm not about to throw em out at the first hole.)

No,you're not freaking me out at all !!! Ermmmm I think it's me who has toooo much to say a lot of the times and often wonder if people think I babble on too,too much!

Very fascinating on the runes Sean! I spent a good deal of last Sunday morning reading about them,seems to be a great spiritulness for you that goes in the process of making them from the beginning of choosing your material through to the end of that last polish of wax.Great way to direct the energy of ones self.

I'm thinking I get the same feelings you do with runes as I do through my art.When I work on a peice that's got me totally rapt time doesn't exist,it's me and what's in front of me.It's the eyes in my mind that flow to the hand,an energy that's bursting forth and continually evolving until that certain peace is found then it's complete,done,finished and I'm usually exhausted.

Thanks for that Sean
Gymp

[sean]

Read an interesting quote recently ???can't reference it off the top of my head.

"You don't live in your home, you live in your career"

It's not meant literally, if 'all' your life was 'all' career/work, you'd be in a sad way.
What I think she is saying is, Your home is a place of survival, nurture, respite.
To 'live' you need to go beyond that place, that's where your 'life' is.

When depression has me thinking 'I have no life!' 'worthlessness' ect, I now kind of recognise what it's doing to me. Keeping me in survival mode. isolated, safe. It's not living! It's a waste of time. Your life is out there...............
I think it's true. sean

[eng188]

Read an interesting quote recently ???can't reference it off the top of my head.

What I think she is saying is, Your home is a place of survival, nurture, respite.
To 'live' you need to go beyond that place, that's where your 'life' is.
sean

Old thread, but a good one (though it seems to wander at times).

I don't know all the lyrics, but there is a song by Joe Jackson, who was popular back in the 80's. It is called simply "Steppin' Out". The lyrics and video are just said to be pretty much about a night on the town. Not even anything specific, but just the wonder and mystery of all the lights and whatever else one encounters "out there in the world" away from the comforts of home.

I love the tune, and the concept of this as a song is great.

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/joe+jackson/steppin+out_20072750.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dopneKcyNXU

[Gymp]

Thanks for posting the link to the tune/video Eng.I haven't heard any Joe Jackson in a bit,good tune and quite applicable to your quote from Sean...

Gymp

[Papillon]

Hi all,

:goodpost:

I only just read this post - I know it has been going for ages, but I'm pretty on here.

I was diagnosed with Major Clinical Depression just after finishing school, but probably had it before then, it just reared it's ugly head when I had to leave school which absolutely terrified me. I have been on meds for it ever since - since 1996 and it's now 2010, so a LONG time - and have been receiving counselling and under the care of a Psychiatrist as well since then. I was told by my first Psychiatrist that it was inevitable that I would end up with some form of Depression given my situation, and I spent many years thinking I'd never escape it's grip. I have really good days, but I also have really bad ones, even while on the medication. I am probably not actually Clinically Depressed at the moment, but it's only because I am on the medication - if it wasn't for the tablets I would be. Apparently it's to do with the irreversable damage to my Frontal Lobe that the Hydrocephalus has caused, but it can be managed quite well, and I work, drive, live independently (with a flatmate, but we lead separate lives), and manage to get myself out of bed every day eventually, even on really bad days, so I guess I don't have REALLY REALLY bad days. If I didn't have a job and loving family and friends around me I would not cope - I spent 5 years after school trying to find the right job, and that was REALLY bad.

Thanks for starting this thread, guys - has helped me to see that I am not alone, because even though I know a large number of people with SB only one of them has Depression like me.

Love Papillon

[bcain]

I think everyone can relate to having depression one time or another. It's good to read how others cope, and sort themselves out.

[sean]

Gee I've had a lot to say on the subject. I too was diagnosed in the early 90's, in my late 20's, also suggested that I had been depressed a long time.
Clinical depression was the diagnosis back then, I have not been able to fully accept it, not until "I" see physical evidence ??brain scan/MRI and comparison with a normal brain.
I do indeed accept that I deal with depression. Just always thought how do you diagnose clinical depression without looking at the brain, it all felt like guess work.
Talking to a young doctor recently, he refered to me as "organically" depressed LOL!
Like how cool and 21st century am I!!!LOL...I'm soooo trendy.

My guess is that I have probably grown some positive neurons and pathways in my brain, to happiness, since joining this site.
I'm stronger than ever.....don't know what to say....words aren't enough.....I think I love you guys, Thanks with all my heart.:):):):):):)

[jellolegs23]

I just saw this article about Spina bifida and depression on the Spina bifida Association website and thought it was kind of interesting. http://www.spinabifidaassociation.org/site/c.liKWL7PLLrF/b.2700263/k.4F8B/Depression_and_Anxiety.htm

[jellolegs23]

I found another interesting article or I should say abstract about spina bifida and parental relationships, although not completely about depression, how you interact with your parents can certainly have an impact on how you see yourself and your general mental well-being. http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/88/2/280

[Avocado Baby]

I've found it hits me much harder when I have no work or routine. I find it so hard cope then.

[sean]

I NEED routine and work!. Depression is like a viscious dog snapping at my heals, I need to be on the run or exhausted to keep it at bay. Works well, I get a lot done.

[Gymp]

Keeping busy works for me.If I'm idle too long I think too much about the "what if's"... and that's detrimental

Gymp

[Gymp]

I found another interesting article or I should say abstract about spina bifida and parental relationships, although not completely about depression, how you interact with your parents can certainly have an impact on how you see yourself and your general mental well-being. http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/88/2/280

I found this interesting too,thanks for posting the link.

Gymp

[Dodger67]

The findings on socialisation outside the family and sexuality are quite worrying.
Although the age group of the participants might be a skewing factor - I'd like to see more detail so that I can discount people under 14 from the dating activity statistic. Its interesting that people with CP are twice as likely to date compared to those with SB. I suspect incontinence plays a large role there - incontinence is not a common effect of CP.

[Gymp]

Its interesting that people with CP are twice as likely to date compared to those with SB. I suspect incontinence plays a large role there - incontinence is not a common effect of CP.

I would agree,I know it was the incontinence issues that held me back for a long time.

Also interesting (and a bit surprising to me) in that it says ...

"Relationships with parents for teenagers with spina bifida were marked by high levels of dependence on parents for personal care such as bowel programs"

For myself I know I was on my own for that at about age 12,I used to order my own appliances (my parents did pay for them) and care for my own bowel issues.I was in the bathroom on my own so to speak.
I realize some others would need the assistance of their parents because of mobility issues.

Gymp

[LisaJoy]

THanks, jellolegs, those are both great links. Certainly the Pediatrics article reinforces the need for parents to help their children become independent and well-socialized.

I consider myself to be pretty successful in all areas except one -- dating/relationships (I'm heterosexual). At almost 46 years old, I've only ever been on one date. Lots of friends and social activity as an adult (not as a teen), but no romantic relationships at all. Don't know whether that is because of my physical appearance or my educational attainment (I've read that men tend to be scared of women with advanced degrees) or a combination of both.

[eng188]

THanks, jellolegs, those are both great links. Certainly the Pediatrics article reinforces the need for parents to help their children become independent and well-socialized.

I consider myself to be pretty successful in all areas except one -- dating/relationships (I'm heterosexual). At almost 46 years old, I've only ever been on one date. Lots of friends and social activity as an adult (not as a teen), but no romantic relationships at all. Don't know whether that is because of my physical appearance or my educational attainment (I've read that men tend to be scared of women with advanced degrees) or a combination of both.

I've never dated either. Had a mutual crush at a summer camp in Maine once, but she was in Montreal, me in Florida. Who knows why it is. I was a very socially confident, if nerdy, teen. Never part of the "cool" crowd, but I had a solid group of friends each year.

I think once I hit adulthood, and started college in Vermont, I kind of started my rebellion against my parents. No drugs, no drinking (until I was about 29, anyways), but just the insistence to do things my own way. No help, etc. And be sure to question my parents advice at every corner.

In my thirties, I am noticing how that probably has affected me adversely. I am morbidly overweight, my time management is not good, and frankly that is starting to affect my bowel. I always have to give a journey out of my neighborhood a second thought, because I need to be confident that a restroom will be around where and when I need it.

I am so far, physically, from where I was as a teen. It seems like all the answers to my problems are under my nose, but it's scary trying to do something differently, even to try to better myself.

I am very excited by this world we live in as humans. But when I tack the bad parts of spina bifida onto the situation, I am sometimes terrified.

Back in 2002, age 26, I learned to plan a weekend trip out of state: Greyhound, hotel, the whole works. It went beautifully. But as I age, things get much more difficult. I can't move around quite as well. Hypertension as well. Plus a more finicky gastrointestinal tract.

Life has just gotten weird, and at times very depressing. These changes in my body underscore how different I appear to be from the able-bodied. It's slowly becoming an us-and-them existence.

I just need time and patience to right my ship. I think.

[Mustang Sal]

I'm what I call 'chronically single' - my one and only real relationship (I was with the guy for over 3 years) ended about 8 years ago, and you can count on one hand the number of dates i've had, none of which resulted in anything more than a 'see you later', never to hear from them again.

It's not just them though (although a couple of them i'm pretty sure could not deal with my disability), it's me. I've been on my own for so long, I think i've just gotten too used to it and would have trouble letting anyone in. Deep down I don't feel like i'm ever going to be like my friends, who are all married or engaged - perhaps I feel like I don't deserve it? I don't know. I know they all probably think i'm weird for being single for so long, I know my sister certainly does! She's always on at me to join match.com or something similar, but i've been there, done that and still didn't get anywhere! I know she means well, but it irritates me. She sees things in such a black and white way, but she's not me so she can't understand where i'm coming from.

I'm going to stop now because I can feel the tears welling up, and I hate crying :(

[LisaJoy]

I should add that while I consider my lack of romantic relationships something of a "failure," I also have come to be perfectly happy with things as they are now. What I worry about is being alone in the future -- but lots of older women are alone, since women tend to live longer than men.

I made a "test run" on e-harmony, and my own reaction surprised me. I wasn't excited by having men express interest in me -- all I could think of is what hassle it would be and how I don't have time for it. Of course, it didn't help that ALL of these men were 15 years or more older than me, even though I had marked that I didn't want more than a 10 year age deviation. So I signed off. (It was a free trial, so it didn't cost me anything).

[Mustang Sal]

I made a "test run" on e-harmony, and my own reaction surprised me. I wasn't excited by having men express interest in me -- all I could think of is what hassle it would be and how I don't have time for it. Of course, it didn't help that ALL of these men were 15 years or more older than me, even though I had marked that I didn't want more than a 10 year age deviation. So I signed off. (It was a free trial, so it didn't cost me anything).

I can completely identify with this! It does seem like such a mountain to climb, to meet a guy, get to know him etc. I can't even be bothered to try to write a profile for myself for a dating site. But I don't want to be alone forever, watching everyone around me get married and have kids (not sure I actually want them anyway, but at the moment I don't really have a choice!) It feels like the whole getting together and making a relationship happen thing is some sort of secret that i've not been let in on - it just seems so, I don't know, 'alien' to me but another part of me just screams 'but it shouldn't be that way!' I know i've had a relationship in the past, but I was just shy of 18 when we got together, so still a kid really, and things just seemed so much easier then.

Sorry for the pity party guys 'n gals :-S

[sean]

If only......., I were straight, 20yrs younger. I'd travel the earth to ask you both out on a date. Your both fascinating gorgeous women..........................bugger.

[Avocado Baby]

Yeah Sally and Lisajoy, I completely understand where you're coming from. I really would like a relationship but sometimes I just think it would be way too much hassle having to let someone in and get them to understand everything.

Sally-you really do deserve a relationship and to be happy. You are wonderful :happy065:

[Mustang Sal]

Yeah Sally and Lisajoy, I completely understand where you're coming from. I really would like a relationship but sometimes I just think it would be way too much hassle having to let someone in and get them to understand everything.

Sally-you really do deserve a relationship and to be happy. You are wonderful :happy065:


:happy065:

Aww honey, you just gave me the biggest smile! You know I think you're fab too, and you also deserve a knight in shining armour. They just need to find us (and we need to let them in) xx

[Gymp]

Heck,I use to worry quite a bit about getting old and being alone.After the wife and I got together I then found out how much compromise is involved in making a relationship work.Lots and lots of give and take both ways but we're quite happy.

Now if something were to happen to my wife and she was taken away from me (death). I pretty sure I wouldn't look for another relationship I'd be content to live the rest of my days on my own.

Gymp

[sean]

Feel like I may be butting in on secret womens business?
So no offence, my heart is with you...

Gee, wonder if I could share a paragraph from a Rune interpretation book with out bieng preachy or too wierd. I don't know, may be applicable to the three of you.
It certainly has given me some comfort self acceptance and insight into the should I do I don't I relationship path/stages.....probably just me.

"Practice the art of doing with out doing: aim yourself truely and then maintain your aim without manipulative effort.
Meditate on Christ's words: "I can of mine own self do nothing" (John 5;30)
For by our own power we do nothing: even in loving, it is Love that loves through us."

Just strikes me that to receive love you need to be open to it completely, ready.
I'm thinking if your frustrated by ? it not happening 'now' it's probably for perfectly good reason (you may not recognise until later down the track)
Big foot!... I hope you do find partners....but you can be just as alone as your feeling right now and have a partner ect ect ect ect ect ect.....

I so hope I've not ???puked......my UTI is not going away and going off!!! bloody water has been off for a couple of days....sick of it!!!! 20 min should be fixed.

[Emm]

I certainly relate to the experiences put here. I tried getting dates through the paper adds and ended up going out with some right geeks. However, these days I listen to my sisters dilemmas with her other half , plus my daughters "battles" with hers and realise it's not all easy street having someone else in your life. If I've had an exhausting day I can just do something simple for my evening meal, such as beans on toast, whereas I know neither of them would be able to do that. In fairness my son-in-law is very good and often cooks a meal for the family. At the end of the day it's what you are prepared to put up with and, of course, if you love someone that's half the battle over.
I'm happy not having to answer to anyone else. But then, I've been there and done all that and once was enough, thankyou!:11a:

[Papillon]

Hi,

The whole being single thing is a MASSIVE issue for me, and I ALSO have Depression. I can also totally relate to the fact that some of you have said that when you are working you feel much happier - I had 5 years after I finished school where I went from job to job, and spend A LOT of time at home on Mum and Dad's couch watching TV/sleeping - I was so deeply depressed then it scared me.

I am 32 years old, have SB L3/L4, and Hydro, and Depression, and Scoliosis and Lordosis. I have never had a 'real' boyfriend. Never been on a date, except that I went to both High School Formals (Proms) at age 16 and 18 with the same guy, a guy I really liked who I thought liked me (he doesn't have a disability). He vanished off the face of the earth at the beginning of my 18th Birthday Party - came early to help set up, then said something about accidentally leaving my present on the train and having to go out and buy another one, and I have never seen him since - I did try to call him a couple of times, and wrote to him once, but have never heard a response.

Since I'm 32 I have the 'my biological clock is ticking' thing going through my head, along with the 'do I have 3 heads?' thing. Why can't ANY guy see past my disability to the real me????? I do have friends who are guys, but they are all either attached or not interested in me and/or I'm not interested in them. I DO NOT want to be alone for the rest of my life, and I have always dreamt of having kids. I have been told by one of the Ministers at my Church that maybe I need to accept my disability myself before anyone who might end up Mr Right can be expected to. I am TRYING to, and joining this site HAS helped me heaps - seeing how things have worked out for people with similar physical limitations gives me hope that I am not going to feel so totally Depressed and without hope for the future forever. My Faith at least gives me hope for ETERNITY, but what about the next 50 years or so??? I WANT TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO ENJOY WHAT I HAVE NOT WISH I WAS DIFFERENT!!

Sorry this post is a bit of a mess - I am, too, and I tend to ramble when I am upset.

Love Papillon :kleenex:

[Gymp]

...a guy I really liked who I thought liked me (he doesn't have a disability). He vanished off the face of the earth at the beginning of my 18th Birthday Party - came early to help set up, then said something about accidentally leaving my present on the train and having to go out and buy another one, and I have never seen him since - I did try to call him a couple of times, and wrote to him once, but have never heard a response...

Man that's gotta hurt!
What a jerk that guy is for doing that to you!!!

Gymp

[sean]

That's awfull, he wasn't kidnapped or fell of a cliff or anything, have you heard if he's still alive....it's just so...unbelievable/believable....what a jerk!!!!

"Three heads" well said!!! Feeling for you! What can anyone say, so many of us go through these same times where opportunity is limited by time, pressure is on from peers and expectations of you, you feel consumed by your self/differences. At a point where your expected to make these huge life changeing decisions.
It's awfull and overwhelming BUT it passes!!! Hopefully you'll find that you know all the answers, they are all in you. This is your way, your time to sort this out, and you will.
I totally agree with your Minister, please relax...easy to say but try and switch it all off and tend to yourself. Three heads, probably no time to be makeing any major decisions.
Time to relax enjoy time out, have some fun (I know you just want to slap me).
Give yourself some breathing space, ?think you've still got time for kids, step back, find some empty space, you'll know, choices are clearer.
Only then, maybe get a little pro-active.
My, (and I don't know if I know anything) rule of thumb is, don't be thinking, wanting, needy for a relationship or having any of your ideal imaginings of it, come true.
Instead be only yourself tending to yourself, it helps if your finding your joy. I tend to think this is when people are at their most attractive and attractable. Gee can't really know what your going through, hope I haven't said anything too annoying.
Hang in there Papillon...if your here your bound to be GORGEOUS!!
OMG! who knows what tommorow brings.:dance2:

[angel]

Hang in there girl you will find someone. No offense to men espicallly the ones on this site but i have found that good ones who aren't afraid just to be themselves and see a person for all they are instead of what they are not, are few and far between. They are out there though so never give up hope of finding him you will. I had shitty relationship after shitty relationship for YEARS before i finally found the one i was looking for. The one that hurt the most was the guy i dated when my son just turned a year old. Everything was fine and when he got sick with his tethered cord issues I was hanging on by a thread, litterally! I was heart broken, terrified for my child, and really thought i might loose my mind then 2 weeks before his spinal cord surgery he dumps me for a skank he had been seeing behind my back for MONTHS and she was a friend of mine! To top it all off my son really liked him and wanted to see him. I was really afraid for him it was his first surgery and he wanted to see him. I called him up and told him about the surgery and he wanted to see my son he was worried about him but guess what, HE BROUGHT THAT SKANK TO MY HOUSE!!!! I kept my cool for my son's sake but i really wanted to do nothing more than kick some ass! Well long story short once a slut always a slut and she broke his heart a couple years later and he came crying to me. To little way to late was all i had to say to him. Now he knows how it felt and i had moved on. If not for that horrible experience i never would have met my husband! I would have overlooked all his wonderful qualities had i not learned the lessons from the jerk i just told you about. After our breakup i met my husband about 4 months later. We didn't get married for another 6 years but I would go though it all again to be where i am now.
On another note about depression my mom who has been depressed and has had a SEVERE anxiety problem since she was a young child has FINALLY decided to talk to a doctor about it and try meds to see if they help. I have been beggin her since i was a teen. She always said no she is scared of meds and would never entertain the notion. She would just get mad at me for bringing it up. Well she sees the doctor tomorrow. I called ahead of time to tell the doctor that she is terrified and that they need to take it slow and explain to her everything she needs to know. Don't piss her off or she will just throw up her hands and walk out. I just find it funny that now instead of my mom advocating for me I am the one doing it for her. Keep your fingers crossed that she will get what she needs!!! for all our sakes lol.

Angel

[valerie]

Hang in there, i know it can be hard sometimes, make sure you keep talking to people about how you feel.... angel i am so glad your mam has decided to go to the doctor.. hope it goes well....

[Papillon]

Thank you, everyone. I really appreciate what you guys have written to me, it has helped me to read it. He WAS a jerk, I know that, but it still REALLY REALLY REALLY hurts that he has not bothered to get in touch - I spoke to his Mum once about a year later, or something, and she said he was overseas working for a couple of years, that she'd let him know I'd been in touch, but then I never heard anything more. I guess he didn't want to get back in touch with me. I want to forget about him, and learn to trust men again (sorry, all you really nice guys out there in SB website land - I don't specifically mean any one man, just men in general. I have been hurt/humilated/upset way too many times for someone who is only 32.)

[Papillon]

P.S. Angel - I am also so glad to hear that your Mum is finally seeking the help she needs and deserves. My high school/Church Youth Group leader suggested I may need help during my last year of school, and she was so right, I have come a LONG LONG way along the journey since then - still have a fair way to go to accepting myself, though, as you can tell.

[Katelynm_92]

I think its normal because our stories sound excatly the same other then im only engaged and have not yet had kids.

[Avocado Baby]

Hi Papillon,

That guy was a complete jerk!! Unfortunately there are lots of them around! I've just turned 30 and am facing major surgery for scoliosis, which is scaring the hell out of me! I think I quite often feel the same as you, like 'what is wrong with me?', 'Have I had my time to have kids etc'? I do get deeply depressed sometimes. I've had quite a lot of therapy (some helpful and some not!) and on meds.

I *think* I've kinda grown to accept the fact that I probably won't be having kids and have thought about fostering when/if I find the right guy to support me. I dunno, maybe it'll hit me at some point.

Sorry, this wasn't meant to be about me, but what I'm saying is I can empathise with you :happy065:

[mg357]

I feel depressed once in a while but i have not experienced full blown depression.

[Avocado Baby]

I'm feeling really crap right now. I've had a recurrent UTI and noone will help and it's making me so depressed!! :kleenex:

[eng188]

When I lived in Pennsylvania, from 2000-09, and was under the indirect care of the SBAWP, I experienced a rash of UTIs, but never bad enough to require hospital. But still, it was annoying that my time in an SB environment produced more UTIs by far than any other time.

I will say that these days, here in SoCal, it's my GI that can ruin my weekend plans, and thus get me depressed.

Diet can help this, and thus help depression both indirectly and directly. I need to see a nutritionst and relearn how to eat.

[Avocado Baby]

What SBAWP? Sorry, I'm from the UK.

I'm pretty sure I should have been in hospital by now, but the drs just don't seem to want to help!

[eng188]

Ack! Sorry. SBA is Spina Bifida Association. WP is the one for western Pennsylvania. Located near the city of Pittsburgh.

In turn, SBAA is the SBA of America, our national association. Silly to assume the whole world uses "association" to describe themselves. Sorry for overlooking that.

Is there a national body for SB in the UK? I wonder how helpful/knowledgable they are.

[Dodger67]

The UK's national org is the Association for Spina Bifida And Hydrocephalus - http://www.asbah.org :fyi: There is a comprehensive directory of national orgs on http://www.ifglobal.org

[sean]

Sorry AB, wish I could help.

Hugs!

Sean.

[Avocado Baby]

No, they've not been able to help me either.

[angelabeazley]

I think its pretty normal to get hit by depression. we all face this sometime or the other. However, if its been more than a year and medicines have not help then you should consider visiting a doctor who can help you overcome it with medication and some meditation exercises as well.

[chocoholic1985]

I was diagnosed with mild depression in August 2011 after loosing my job. Loosing my job wasn't the main reason for the depression. I've had self confidence issues for a very long time and am now having therapy to build up my self esteem using a book called Overcoming Low Self Esteem by Melanie Fennell which uses cognitive behaviour therapy techniques.

[sean]

Hi chocoholic, I love the tag, just mentioning chocolate is mmmmyummmm. It is a bit telling of esteem issues (oholic), excuse me for saying, I guess we need to be in more control. "Mistress of Chocolate Desire" I'm thinking,........out loud, excuse me.
3 posts, welcome!, Norfolk...how gorgeous!

I've learnt so much from reading about my depression, I feel on top of it. 'Overcoming Low Self Esteem' and cognitive behaviour techniques seems to be what it's mostly about.

Let us know what the book is like when you've finished...any tips!

Welcome again.

Cheers.

Sean.

[chocoholic1985]

thanks Sean, I will

[dean t]

things feel like they are getting worse but honestly look for the rainbow and smile ,think of all the good things you have done and want to do , am depressed at the mo but some thing snaps inside and i allways look at the aspect some where some one is in a worse condition , seems most of us have that story of woe ,, but i feel makes us more compassionate human beings

[sean]

dean t, I agree, and it can take some practice looking for that rainbow and smile, when you've been in a depression. I too think the best start to get out of depression is to smile, simple as it seems. Depression/emotions can really overwhelm every physical fibre....determined not to let us smile.

Have you ever seen laughter therapy? I've only seen it on TV. Groups of people getting together to laugh. It's fantastic, they do little titter laughs, big belly laughs, laugh at each other, tell stupid jokes, it really is hillarious! lol...and sooo infectious.
If there is ever a group locally....I'll nappy up and go for a laugh.
I can't remember the last time I cracked up laughing, although I do (surprise myself) laugh a lot these days.
Good broad sense of humour is like my best friend!

Staying on top of depression is like getting to know myself and accept 'myself' through more mature/?compassionate eyes.

Never really got, the 'someone in a worse condition' thing, never made me feel better, just an sob' for not caring...me me me!

Cheers:):):)

Sean.:peace::D:dance2::11a::Banane21::3a::clap2::) :):)

[Avocado Baby]

I agree Sean, I think one of the worst things you can say is 'there's always someone worse off than you'. Well, yeah, but that doesn't make *you* feel any better or your situation any different. Depression can be really hard to get out of, but one thing I've found to help is to structure my day and plan at least one thing a day that I need to do. It makes you get up and do something, which can be so hard when you're depressed.
Also, give yourself little treats every so often and make sure you treat yourself kindly.

[Emm]

Having had a lifetime of suffering very severe depressions I eventually had some counselling, after trying lots of other things such as Transactional Analysis but the truthis it never ever actually leaves you. It is rather like being an alcholic...one day at a time and making sure you stay away from things that you know are likely to trigger a downer.
For example, I love romantic type films but if there is too much luvvy duvvy stuff (and I don't mean sex) I have to switch off as I know that is a real nono for me. Can be very difficult when enjoying a good film but it's better than having the next few weeks feeling like the end of the earth is nigh! ..lol!