how many single people we have here.

[don g]

I was just wondering how many single adults we have in our little group. I live in central arkansas south of little rock.

[carrieandcam]

Try match.com, or eharmony and I bet you will find a lot of "singles" ......

[Dodger67]

Thats good advice, but maybe we could address the issue of many disabled adults having difficulty finding partners.

The vast majority of the general public seem to have difficulty with the idea of people with physical dissabilities being sexual.
However I do believe "we" sometimes reinforce that stereotyping by the way we "ghetto-ize" ourself by constantly emphasising our "differentness" (no matter how valid those differences are).

[don g]

I was just wondering. those sites are not for us. I"ve tried those and all I get are jerks or no response at all.

[don g]

I joined for free but when it comes time to respond to the people interested the companies hit you with the bill to become a higher ranking member.

[Gymp]

Don,
How about Face Book or My Space I think they're free,although I've never been to either soooo I really don't know.
Roger,
We sort of cover the topic of our sexuality and the difficulty of finding partners here...
http://spinabifidaconnection.co/showthread.php?t=177&page=2

True enough though that abled bodied people think that because we have bladder problems "we ain't gonna work"

Gymp

[don g]

I was told to come here to ask this. I was just wondering how many there were. facebook is ok. I'm on there too.

[Meljo]

Ya..I am wishing I could find a beautiful gal for my 24 yr old with SB!!:sign0009:

[NêêNêê]

I do NOT have SB and I fell in love with my guy who DOES have SB. It was a little rocky at first but for many different reasons. I was devastatingly worried I couldn't handle it, being with someone disabled but then it turned out I was being a big baby for nothing! What was difficult for me was worrying about hurting him and watching him have to go thru some of the things he has to. But he is my baby, I love him and nothing is ever gonna change that.

We had been talking/dating for about 2 months and I remember I was studying for finals and I was on my laptop and my bf signed into his messenger, we had been fighting prior so I didn't acknowledge he had come on line. A partial message was sent to be that seemed a bit odd stating "He is in a coma, we are still waiting to hear from the doctors" well naturally I freaked and eventually found out that it was a friend of his who logged into Joshua's messenger to let his friends know what was going on. That moment was a defining moment for me, as I broke down and cried (and I don't cry) I knew it was because this guy meant something important to me and I just knew right then I loved him.

I don't see the "disabled" Joshua but just see Joshua, the guy who can make me laugh til I snort (which I hate) lol!

So please don't be discouraged, I think we are all destined to find love at least once in our life no matter who we are, or what problems we have. You will find the right person, you may already know them as a friend but that person is out there. :)

[ollieholmes]

I do NOT have SB and I fell in love with my guy who DOES have SB. It was a little rocky at first but for many different reasons. I was devastatingly worried I couldn't handle it, being with someone disabled but then it turned out I was being a big baby for nothing! What was difficult for me was worrying about hurting him and watching him have to go thru some of the things he has to. But he is my baby, I love him and nothing is ever gonna change that.

We had been talking/dating for about 2 months and I remember I was studying for finals and I was on my laptop and my bf signed into his messenger, we had been fighting prior so I didn't acknowledge he had come on line. A partial message was sent to be that seemed a bit odd stating "He is in a coma, we are still waiting to hear from the doctors" well naturally I freaked and eventually found out that it was a friend of his who logged into Joshua's messenger to let his friends know what was going on. That moment was a defining moment for me, as I broke down and cried (and I don't cry) I knew it was because this guy meant something important to me and I just knew right then I loved him.

I don't see the "disabled" Joshua but just see Joshua, the guy who can make me laugh til I snort (which I hate) lol!

So please don't be discouraged, I think we are all destined to find love at least once in our life no matter who we are, or what problems we have. You will find the right person, you may already know them as a friend but that person is out there. :)

Here here. That was a very honest and good post. I had the same worries when i first met my partner but i soon realised they where just in my head and shes tougher than i am. I certianly couldnt cope with everything she has been through.

[NêêNêê]

awww lol thanks Ollie! I hear yuh, I couldn't imagine how I would handle some of the things my guy has to, especially the 30+ surgeries.

[ollieholmes]

awww lol thanks Ollie! I hear yuh, I couldn't imagine how I would handle some of the things my guy has to, especially the 30+ surgeries.

Id go mad. I realy think i would. She is an absoloutly amasing person to have coped so well.

[naomi6896]

that is great!!! I know it may sound crazy but I have thought about relationships for my son. He is young and seems very much interested in girls, he is handsome and funny, I hope he finds someone like you that can see past all the motor stuff and love him for him. your story is inspiring THANK YOU!

[NêêNêê]

:3a: Like I said I think we are all destined, just teach him to love and respect himself (which I am sure you already are :) )but more importantly to never let anyone make him feel less of a person because of his situation and he will. You know us girls dig those confident men! lol The girl my guy dated before me was horrendous, if I ever catch her on the street so help me God! But since he joined this forum I will leave it up to him to share that part of his life or not :happy065:

[ollieholmes]

:3a: . I love her for her. K is still a human beiing and there is absoloutly no reason why she couldnt find love. Ive always seen her and not her disability, they have never botherd me in the slightest. She has always been very good about explaining everything to me and that goes a long way. Ive never realy found it hard to understand, i am a very visual person and being able to see things has made it alot easier. To be honest the one thing i have struggled most is the hydrocepalus. I dont realy know why though.

There is absoloutly no reason to say your son wont find love and be happy. I feel the important thing is that you let him be himself. My partners mum drives us both mad for many reasons. She has an unknown problem with me and will not even talk to me.

[naomi6896]

thanks so much I read all these posts and I know things are going to be ok....
I wish you all could see my son I know I am his Mom and I am likely to say he is awesome no matter what but HE REALLY IS!
I work at a hospital and one of the nurses asked me is he very patient and quite?
I never really thought about it until then but he is....
I tell him your the strong silent type he smiles...............he is Awesome and anyone would be lucky to have him at her side and I promise I will let him be himself I want him as independent as possible that is why I post my questions here and because I just want to know everything so I don't mess up or miss anything!!!!
You are all so kind and understanding I am so glad I came to this site. The world can be cruel and judgemental it is nice to know that life is life and we all are intitled to live it!!! FOR ALL YOU COUPLES OUT THERE............You are awesome!!!!! God has blessed you with each other and love is the only thing in this world you will ever truly get for free. My husband and I have been together for seventeen years and I love him no matter what that is what I want for ALL my kids....thanks for your insight and advice God Bless!

[ollieholmes]

thanks so much I read all these posts and I know things are going to be ok....
I wish you all could see my son I know I am his Mom and I am likely to say he is awesome no matter what but HE REALLY IS!
I work at a hospital and one of the nurses asked me is he very patient and quite?
I never really thought about it until then but he is....
I tell him your the strong silent type he smiles...............he is Awesome and anyone would be lucky to have him at her side and I promise I will let him be himself I want him as independent as possible that is why I post my questions here and because I just want to know everything so I don't mess up or miss anything!!!!
You are all so kind and understanding I am so glad I came to this site. The world can be cruel and judgemental it is nice to know that life is life and we all are intitled to live it!!! FOR ALL YOU COUPLES OUT THERE............You are awesome!!!!! God has blessed you with each other and love is the only thing in this world you will ever truly get for free. My husband and I have been together for seventeen years and I love him no matter what that is what I want for ALL my kids....thanks for your insight and advice God Bless!

Im sure he is a great lad and he will make someone very happy. Agree love is about the only thing thats free these days apart from happyness.

[eng188]

I was just wondering how many single adults we have in our little group. I live in central arkansas south of little rock.

I am a single 33/m. I very much respect other SBs that pursue relationships and put up wiyth the hardship of rejection. I choose not to be part of that circle. I get burned out with people too easily on a platonic level. Hence, I think I'd go nuts having to share a life so deeply with a woman, and then put up with potential in-laws.

It's a frustrating path I have chosen in some sense, but the lesser of the two evils. I do flirt a lot, which I'm a bit sheepish admitting. And I certainly look at the fairer gender. But, when all is said and done, my single lifestyle is what works for me. I do admire those SBs and their partners that make it work, and make it work well.

[Meljo]

ok I need to post a pic of my son!

[angel]

It is very true that there are people out there that see you for you and won't have a problem with your disability. My husband is one of those people as well. He is not disabled and doesn't seem to see me as disabled either. I knew i was going to marry him when we had the conversation about my SB. I felt it was important for me to explane a few things to him about it. I started on my little speech then he started on his. He knew SO MUCH about it because he knew the name of what i had and he took it upon himself to do all the research he could on it. I asked him why he didn't just ask me and he said that he only had one question he wanted an answer to. He wanted to know how long we were expected to live because he wanted to know how much time we would have together. I thought that was sweet. None of the other stuff he could have cared less about. He is great he helps me when i need it and sometimes even when i don't but we have had a discussion about that and now he only helps if i tell him i need help. he understands that i like to do things for myself because i don't want to loose ability and he respects that. Most of all he respects me and that is the most important thing. There are great people out there.

Angel

[ollieholmes]

It is very true that there are people out there that see you for you and won't have a problem with your disability. My husband is one of those people as well. He is not disabled and doesn't seem to see me as disabled either. I knew i was going to marry him when we had the conversation about my SB. I felt it was important for me to explane a few things to him about it. I started on my little speech then he started on his. He knew SO MUCH about it because he knew the name of what i had and he took it upon himself to do all the research he could on it. I asked him why he didn't just ask me and he said that he only had one question he wanted an answer to. He wanted to know how long we were expected to live because he wanted to know how much time we would have together. I thought that was sweet. None of the other stuff he could have cared less about. He is great he helps me when i need it and sometimes even when i don't but we have had a discussion about that and now he only helps if i tell him i need help. he understands that i like to do things for myself because i don't want to loose ability and he respects that. Most of all he respects me and that is the most important thing. There are great people out there.

Angel

I was the same, she sort of told me the basics and then i went off and did some reading for myself. 99% made sense to me and i cant actualy remember having to ask anything as she was very good and reading things helped. This website has also been a great help to me, just to be able to talk freely about things and read other peoples stories and experiances.

Ive never asked that question of my partner or anyone else or even looked it up as it is not important to me.

I also have a disability although mine is a social disability and i have tried my best to explain it to her but its been hard. I have never actualy had anyone sit down and explain it to me. She did go off and do a bit of reading and got a bit scared by things and came to me and said that and i was able to explain as good as i could to her and that helped alot. My mum has also been very good and if K has had questions she knows she can ask my mum any time. Ks dad has also said to me that if i have any questions about SB i am more than welcome to talk to him but so far i have not had any.

Has anyone else had the same thing with their parents offering to explain things to their partners? I dont know how others have felt here but a couple of times i have felt like i should not ask K, in the end i did and she was ever so sweet about it.

[NêêNêê]

ok I need to post a pic of my son!

Lol, you should! Who knows maybe one of us has a friend for him :P

[eng188]

I asked him why he didn't just ask me and he said that he only had one question he wanted an answer to. He wanted to know how long we were expected to live because he wanted to know how much time we would have together. I thought that was sweet. None of the other stuff he could have cared less about.
Angel

Ironic. That's one of the few pieces of info out there that evades even me. I never see life expectancy talked about. That's something I wouldn't mind knowing about, too. But in my experience, that's never anybody seems curious about. It's always "Is there a cure?"

Has anyone else had the same thing with their parents offering to explain things to their partners? I dont know how others have felt here but a couple of times i have felt like i should not ask K, in the end i did and she was ever so sweet about it.

My mother has never asked me whether she'd want me to have her explain (in the event I ever dated). I feel like I know more than her about my disability, but also don't know how much to divulge. I have a problem with assertiveness, and judgement calls in general. I reckon I'd just do my best and she would step in as she saw fit as well.

[Dodger67]

I guess life expectancy information isn't "out there" because once we have failed to die as sheduled in all the "predictions" of not living past a few minutes/hours/days/weeks/months/years there really is no significant difference between our and anyone else's life expectancy. (The only exception I can think of is that we have a higher rate of kidney failure)

My mother has never interfered/intervened in any of my relationships. The idea of doing so would never occur to her. Me actually asking her to explain anything to my gf would freak her out - she would probably think I have gone totally insane!

[Gymp]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_LQU2-GOXY

Gymp

[ollieholmes]

My mother has never interfered/intervened in any of my relationships. The idea of doing so would never occur to her. Me actually asking her to explain anything to my gf would freak her out - she would probably think I have gone totally insane!

I struggle to explain my disability to people. I did not find out untill i was 12 or 13 and no one has ever realy explained it proerly to me so i find it hard to explain to others. My mum knows that and doesnt feel bad in offering.

Gymp:
I cant view that youtube video.

[Gymp]

My Ma has never discussed my Spina Bifida with anyone I associate with.I wouldn't want her to.I don't think she'd feel right doing that anyhow,especially with the sarcastic bunch I hang out with.

On the life expectancy thing,I would expect with all the trauma we've experienced (multiple surgeries and such) that somehow it may indirectly reflect in our life span,some more so than others taking into account lifestyle and such.

Ollie,no worries it was just a video of Pearl Jam playing the song Alive.At the time I thought it apt because the discussion went to life expectancy and thought.....I'm alive and that song popped into my head! ;-)

Gymp

[sweetwheels43]

I have tried a few dating web sites, and when I mention that I am disabled the men usually quit responding to me.
I have essentually given up on dating. People for some reason cannot handle it which is dumb because I live alone take care of myself I just use crutches, braces, and a wheelchair. Big friggin deal.
So others have problems with dating?

[Gymp]

I used to scare the ladies away as soon as they found out I was wearing a leg bag...I eventually found a lady who accepted me for who I am,next July we'll have been together for 15 years.

Gymp

[Dodger67]

K and I have been a couple for almost 7 years.:sign0008:

[sean]

Life expectancy, as a kid (in the 60's) the oldest known person with SB was 30 yrs old.
I assumed I would not live past 30, seriously, I believed it, lived it. No future, no goals, what's the point of doing anything. In too many ways my first 30 yrs, waisted!
I am a fabulous 51 years strong!!!!! few members here a little older, someone is 75 years young. Mortality no longer an issue, yeah!

Hey, eighteen years married to someone who never had a sick day in thier life.
The love has never changed and I feel the fulfilment, it's never going to change.
Although living single and celibate for the last decade or so has really worked for me,
I can see us shackin up together again as friends/loved ones. We're both entering our dotage, niether of us have family to speak of. I'm delighted! I feel as though I've had/having it all, love and independence. I do feel blessed.

[Gymp]

When I was 20 years old a doctor (urologist) had told me that I'd likely not live past 40.
Hmmmmmmmm,well,I'm still here and I'm 53...None the wiser but most definitely still here. :-)

Oh yeah,I never did go back to that doc after that visit,I wonder if he's still here?

Gymp

[eng188]

I was never told any specific number. In my experience, 5 SB acquaintances have died of SB-related issues by age 35, but two others are in their 70's. One will be 80 next time around.

One of the elders, who hailedfrom my former state of Pennsylvania, was married, IIRC.

Sometimes I wish I were the marrying type, but I fear many things, including divorce.

[Dodger67]

Provided you look after your kidneys, life expectancy is no different from the general population.

Just a friendly reminder - if you want to discuss sexuality and related topics please use the Adults section.

[Shaywood]

I never, ever imagined myself having the courage to tell someone aside from my parents and doctors everything about my disability, but then I finally found someone I knew I could trust. I was terrified to let someone know about all my bowel/bladder issues and worried that I would scare them away because it had happened in the past (what was i thinking trying to date someone who was afraid to go into a hospital?!) When I told the man I'm currently dating everything about myself he immediately wanted to sign up for the SBAA national conference and go with me so he could learn more about SB and ways to help me. I feel extremely lucky!

[Dee1971]

I am single and have joined a few dating site so far never had a date.
Dee

[Christine1970]

I am single for the time being. I am in a long distance relationship. I found my match on eharmony. They are not all weirdos on there. There is someone out there for everyone.

[Emm]

My heart goes out to anyone who is desperately seeking for that special person. I tried all sorts of things in my younger years in particular the newspaper dating pages which were all the rage then. I ended up going out with some right geeks, most of whom were just interested in getting into bed as soon as possible! Eventually, after watching an Oprah Winfrey show when she had Dr. Phil on, they covered the aspect of being in a state of yearning for a partner and his advice was - and I quote "If you can't live and cope happily on your own, it won't change just because you find a partner."
Well, I put that into practice and I'm much happier now I don't have that yearning. However, I do understand that as a much younger person the need to find a spouse is much stronger. I do hope you will get to meet someone soon.

[eng188]

Provided you look after your kidneys, life expectancy is no different from the general population.

Just a friendly reminder - if you want to discuss sexuality and related topics please use the Adults section.

Ermmm. Sorry if I was discussing something wrong. :sign0007:

the aspect of being in a state of yearning for a partner and his advice was - and I quote "If you can't live and cope happily on your own, it won't change just because you find a partner."

I'm one who needs a fair amount of solitude and privacy. I think I just don't have much social stamina, especially with my parents, with whom I clash. They live 21 minutes away, so we see eachother quite a bit. I think that quote is quite elevant to me. No use being in a relationship if you need lots of breaktime from the person you're in a relationship with. And for me, that's breaktime from most people in my life.

[pinpatch]

I am also single, i agree that it seems alot of people with dissabilities, or whatever seem to have a hard time to find a significant other, but i do not believe in the dating sites, just never had any luck. I was married, and my wife was the only girlfriend i ever had, and i thought we were soulmates and would be together forever, but not the case. I guess i've just learnt that maybe i was too desparate, and that being single isnt a bad thing .. lonely, but not bad, but i will never jump into another relationship until i can completely get to know and trust the person :)

[mattywheels25]

I've never actually had a GF or been on date for that matter but i think that i see myself as more 'different' then the women out there really do and thats affected my social life more. i've got a lot of female friends but nothing thats ever really gone anything further then just friends. someday i hope to be able to let loose more, take more risks and find someone.

[sean]

G'day Matty, Just wondering, are you a member of, or been out to the NSW SB Assoc' at the Northcott centre?.
The last year or so there has been a focus on young adults/adults living with SB.
I'm sure there's a social club.
Sounds patronising but I think meeting others with SB helps you see just how different, or more to the point how 'not' different you are, even compared to non SB people. Social life/relationships, it's tough for a lot of people.
Matty I'm thinking maybe it's your sense of 'difference' in yourself, that is going to be a hindrence to you finding a partner (bit of a wall). We are ALL more the same than we are different. I think it's the sameness that brings us together and the differences keep it interesting.
Said it before, you need to be out there, (away from you comfort zones) enjoying your life, pleasing your worthy self, the best way to attract attention.

SSHHhh...secret mens business...I have found that women are attracted to a bit of facial hair and power tools LOL....just my observation.

[eng188]

I gots me a scraggly beard. No tools but maybe a hammer somewhere.

[mattywheels25]

Hey there Sean, yeah i have been to a couple of those northcott things. For the most part i kinda see myself as " normal" cos of growing up in a small town and all my friends being abled bods, the only part of my life i haven't gotten a handle on is my dating life. Going to those things to do with Northcott felt a little strange for me cos im not used to being around a bunch of others in my position. The older get the more i know i need to start taking chances. I lived in Byron Bay for a years when i was 19 and not to brag or anything but i had a few women hanging of me in that time lol, since moving back here to the tiny hell of a Town that is old Bar i've kinda lost a little of that confidence though cos i feel i stand out here more then i did up there. I know its all a mental thing and i just have to figure out how to get over it.

True about the facial hair yeah i picked up on that one and i'm a musician too so that kinda helps lol

[mumtotwo]

:21a:he power tools and the musician might help pick women up but (for me anyway) the facial hair is a def no no. Yuck I wouldn't even kiss my partner if he had a slight stubble .....................oh horrible yuck yuck yuck
:21a:

[mattywheels25]

Yeah the facial hair is a bit of a tricky one, some women love it and some women hate it. I used to have a goatee but for the most part now i'm always clean shaven. Maybe i need to buy some power tools though lol

[rene]

I am single, 34 years old. I had a fiancee with the same disability but a little better mobility..except a whole host of other issues with kidneys..I know this sounds hypocritical but there were so many things about his disability issues that I didn't think I could handle which is part of why we didn't get married..there were many other issues too. That is the only REAL relationship I've had. It's frustrating because I am active and self-sufficient and yet people can't seem to get past the disability.

[sean]

I think it is mostly mental, before that mysterious chemistry/cloud can carry you off.:p:p:p:p:p:p;)
Your frame of mind can be more obvious to those around you, even without the words.
Rene....feelin a bit paternal, not qualified,......"yet people can't seem to get past the disability"..........no!.... (point finger at self) how do you feel about your disability, will you ever allow someone to "get past" your disability....or any further than you are with it yourself?
Gulp, just a thought.:connie_mini_lalalal

[Dodger67]

That is so true!
Amen brother!

[mattywheels25]

sooo true. You've definately hit the nail on the head right there.

[TinyItalian1969]

I was just wondering how many single adults we have in our little group. I live in central arkansas south of little rock.

I am also single. Sometimes a good thing,sometimes not. Trying to find love is hard when your disabled. It really sucks.

[SB Girlfriend]

I do NOT have SB and I fell in love with my guy who DOES have SB. It was a little rocky at first but for many different reasons. I was devastatingly worried I couldn't handle it, being with someone disabled but then it turned out I was being a big baby for nothing! What was difficult for me was worrying about hurting him and watching him have to go thru some of the things he has to. But he is my baby, I love him and nothing is ever gonna change that.

We had been talking/dating for about 2 months and I remember I was studying for finals and I was on my laptop and my bf signed into his messenger, we had been fighting prior so I didn't acknowledge he had come on line. A partial message was sent to be that seemed a bit odd stating "He is in a coma, we are still waiting to hear from the doctors" well naturally I freaked and eventually found out that it was a friend of his who logged into Joshua's messenger to let his friends know what was going on. That moment was a defining moment for me, as I broke down and cried (and I don't cry) I knew it was because this guy meant something important to me and I just knew right then I loved him.

I don't see the "disabled" Joshua but just see Joshua, the guy who can make me laugh til I snort (which I hate) lol!

So please don't be discouraged, I think we are all destined to find love at least once in our life no matter who we are, or what problems we have. You will find the right person, you may already know them as a friend but that person is out there. :)
I just started dating someone with SB how did you approch certain subjects. I really like this guy he is very independent and I do not wan to offend him. I do not and did not see the wheelchair when I first met him - I was just drawn to him.
Thanks in advance

[SB Girlfriend]

I just met someone with SB - and really like him. I was not looking to meet anyone with a disibility but it just happened and I am sure you will find someone. It is hard out there for EVERYONE!