Facing surgery...

[n3rdchik]

Sagan will have his de-tethering/back closure/lipoma reduction on 9/28. I know it is very important and necessary surgery. I have faith in our neurosurgeon. Why do I keep falling apart? If I can concentrate on day to day things, I'm ok. But this whole impending surgery thing, just makes me feel helpless and sad. (I also admit to an irrational sense of impending doom.)

A good friend with a daughter who has faced multiple surgeries for her cerebral palsy, says his wife gets certifiable the week leading up to any planned hospital admission. But I am three months away (or more).

Yesterday, was the start of 3 'months countdown' and also my 13 year wedding anniversary. Guess who spent her fancy-schmancy dinner wishing she was home with her sweet baby boy?

So, is this typical? How do you cope?

[misty]

Hey N3rdchik,
I can't speak from a mother's point of view, but from where I'm sitting, you seem perfectly normal! I get scared before surgery. It is a totally out of control feeling, like "I'm gonna go to sleep and let these docs do what they will, and trust them that its all gonna be okay when I wake up!" OMG!!! I assume from your end its like "I'm gonna let these people take my baby, and do what they will, and trust them that he will be okay when he wakes up!" OMG!!!
So, how do you cope??? Keep coming here and tell us how you feel as often as you need to, and we'll keep being here until you get to post that its over and he's sleeping peacefully. Then we all celebrate with champagne (punch for the kiddos)!

[NerdaliciouS]

I just keep hoping for the best. I'm facing another and I'm scared to death!

But really... Misty's right. Keep talking to us about your feelings!! And just keep hoping for the best. That's all you can really do. Keep as positive as possible and hope for the best.

Oh... And don't INSANELY read into what happens during the procedure. That freaks me out. A lot. Don't do that. Just post on here and hope! That's what my parents always did. Through everything.

All about the hope, baby! :o

Edit: Maybe you could keep a diary of how you feel as well? That might help. Leading up to and after the surgery. Then you could read it back and think "wow!" Just a thought. :)

[kidsrustx]

Talk about your feelings and stay busy.

I usually cope pretty well, but I'm not usually a very emotional person (much more logic brained). I held it together about my son's surgery pretty well, until the neurosurgeon called me the day before to tell me that it was being rescheduled. OMG, I totally lost it. The poor guy really got a tongue lashing. But he got off the phone with me and got on the phone with the hospital and made sure they put his surgery back on the schedule for the next day AND got the time moved up!

[jellolegs23]

I just want to say that what everyone else has been saying has been great! I also keep in mind whenever I am having surgery that I am going to be better coming out of surgery than I ever was going into it. I want to do whatever is necessary for my health, so I find that helps me to get through tough decisions like this. So whatever pain or recovery is associated with the surgery is absolutely worth the positive outcome that could drastically improve the rest of my life! Being in pain for a few weeks is totally worth a lifetime of improved health!

Whenever I have surgery I do as much research on the surgery as I can, I ask the doctor as many questions as I can about the surgery, recovery, and possible outcome, etc. as I can. Knowledge is power! I also research the doctor as much as I can about his professional career to make sure I have chosen the correct surgeon to do the surgery. The rest of it is, talking to others who have had the surgery to get their input on how it went for them and how it has improved their life. Everything else after that is stress management. You have done everything in your power to educate and empower yourself about this procedure. You can exercise, write in a journal, talk with friends and family, yoga, meditate, listen to music, deep breathing exercises, or talk with a trusted pastor or someone of your faith if religion helps you.

Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up over something that is not within your control!

I hope this helps! :)

[Dodger67]

All good replies, I just have one thing to add: try to get the date moved up if at all possible. The sooner its over the better.

[bcain]

It's the worst time. If it could just be over sooner. You'd feel better.
Hugs to you.

[n3rdchik]

:3a: Thanks for all the support. I am starting to pick myself up. Had a long talk/cry with the hubby and then with my brother. My brother is absolutely fierce when it comes to his nephews and he agreed to be with me at the hospital.

[hope&faith]

Every has had good suggestions. I would second and third to see if they can move it up at all, three months is a long time to wait and stress, ugh. and totally normal feelings coming from another mama. Surgeries are totally out of our control and we WANT to be in control and protect our babies, its totally natural to feel powerless and worry. like others have suggested Let it out by talking here, to your family and friends, etc. , taking walk/run, whatever you can do to let out the physical stress. and what works for me sometimes? take breaks from thinking about it, you have to to stay sane. When you find that you are stressing/worrying, tell yourself you need a break from it and make yourself concentrate on something else. Remind yourself you can always worry/think about it later, ha,ha. I don't know your beliefs but it usually helps me to remember that God is in control so I can trust in that and that usually comforts me. All the best,
Holli

[Kate]

We had to wait that long for Corban's, and it was so hard.

Some things that helped me prepare positively:

- made a playlist of lullabies & up-beat songs for recovery time
- started a scrapbook of his special baby pictures
- took a tour of the hospital with the older kids
- took photos of his back (this may be weird to some, but I wanted to remember)
- connected with other moms of children who had been hospitalized - (they understood my fears, and it helped to remind myself that my baby was not the only one who had ever done this)
- researched our neurosurgeon - we LOVE her and cannot say enough good about her; being sure of her, going into it, was very helpful
- made a list of blessings - that God gave us Corban to begin with, that he was such a happy baby, that we have access to the health care that can help him, that up until surgery he had not demonstrated any pain at all, that our friends were praying for us and supporting us, that God has a special plan for this special baby of ours


Great big HUGS to you - you will make it! Train your mind to focus on just one day at a time . . . don't lose any of the precious joy of these fleeting baby-days worrying about the "what ifs."

And on the hard days, when you DO give in to the fear, have someone to call, to talk to you, to bring you back.

You will make it!