Venting and need advice!!!

[Canteau24]

:6775::6775::mad: I know i havent been on her much lately and i appoligize but gabe has been going through A LOT lately. But on top of everything else i am dealing with his school drama. Gabe goes to one of the TOP schools here in toledo for special ed, we have NEVER had problems until recently when they up and no where switched his aid. Ever since then i have noticed A) a major change in him B) a regression in his school work C) him never wanting to go to school and D) him never wanting to be cathed, which has never been an issue. Come to find out the aid is wearing a mask when she caths him becasue "his urine smell repulses her" as she has informed my SEVEN year old. I do understand when he has UTI it can be strong, no excuse in my book. He has fallen twice in one week at recess his whole chair has flipped over, because no one was helping him go from concrete to mulch, he hit his chin on the basketball hoop pole when he fell down the first time and they never called me, it is still bruised. The aid blamed it on having new tires that he has fallen, bullshit its lack of supervision in my eyes. Anyway my point to all of this is i received a phone call from an employee of the school telling me even more detailed stuff that has been going on (if they know she called she will lose her job) so obviously there is a big problem. I need some advice/assistance ... i have temp withdrawled him out of school until they replace his aid that he has now and icalled an emergency IEP meeting which will be held this monday. I already went in and dealt with the principal today and the head of special ed has been informed and she will be at the meeting on monday. I want to go in with fire, we have had numerous issues since they switched this aid. The aid put altabax *a skin graphing cream* on his penis and i literally had skin shedding off it!! That is the BEGINNING of our issues ..... does anyone have any say on this or advice?? I am a very protective mother when it comes to my family, do not mess with my children! :6775:

[Canteau24]

*correction .. HE had skin falling off not me lol

[LisaJoy]

You are certainly taking all the steps that I would take in your place! I do have one quick question though -- does your son have an intellectual disability, or fine motor skill impairment? If not, perhaps the time has come for him to learn to cath himself. Also, if he's not intellectually disabled, perhaps mainstreaming him into a regular school would be an option (although he might still need an aid, at least while he's younger, so you'd still have that issue to deal with).

Sounds like you're doing a great job advocating for him.

Oh, one other thing -- why on earth does a special needs school have a playground that sounds like it is not fully accessible to people with disabilities?

[Canteau24]

He is in a regular school, he can not cath himself! His belly is too big lol ... he is getting the surgery in june so he can cath through his belly button which will relieve a lot of the aid help, he is all there and extremely smart intellectually! he knows what is going on which is why it is effecting him a lot.

[Dodger67]

Take a lawyer with you to the meeting.
If you don't have one handy ask your local law clinic/family law center/etc for help.
Bring out the heavy weapons! Get the school to understand that you do have grounds for criminal charge of abuse/neglect.

[Canteau24]

crazy! i JUST got off the phone with the ability center here and i have two advocates coming with me, im calling an attorney next. Im going in with an army! ;)

[Dodger67]

I'm almost feeling sorry for the school.
NOT!!!

[angel]

I know a kid that this type of aid treatment harmed as well. His whole personality changed from fun loving and out going to depressed and angry. Come to find out the aid was the problem behind all of it. The child was in kindergarden at this time and when his mom found out she lost it. The aid was fired immediatly. It took awhile for him to get back to himself and she started teaching him how to handle his own needs. That is a major reason my mom taught me everything from an early age. She couldn't handle the idea of me being at the mercy of anyone else. If i needed help in school i was very lucky that the school would allow my older brother and or sister to assist me in anything i needed. They would be excused from what ever class to help me if i needed it in my first and second grade year.

Angel

[Canteau24]

i dont understand why people go into a job as a aid and then take out there own miserable aggretions on these kids!! WTF is wrong with them? I teach him as much as i can and im going in there from now on to cath him myself!! and once he caths through his belly button as of this summer he can do more of it on his own. yea my son has anger issues now and now it all came out and yes you can say i lost it lol :arrgh:

[angel]

I don't understand it either. If you are going into any kind of medical field you know you are going to run into things like this. If you can't handle it then find a different occupation. I was in highschool and took health courses in vo tech. My first clinical was in labor and delivery at the hospital. It took all of 20 minutes for me to realize that i just couldn't handle this kind of thing so i never persued it farther. I am just not the right person for that. As for animals I can handle that. I worked at a humane society for years and saw the grossest things imaginable and it didn't phase me. Everyone should think ahead and if they can't handle every aspect that goes with a profession then they need to seek another one.

Just my opnion

Angel

[LisaJoy]

Canteau24, you rock! I cannot wait to hear the rest of this story.

[ainemc]

I can't believe that aid would get on like that! How she is that job is beyond me, she is supposed to be helping your son not belittling and demeaning him with comments about the smell of his urine! It is shocking that she is not sacked immediately, she clearly isn't doing her job correctly, and from her attitude its definitely not the type of work she should be doing. I always wanted to work with children with disabilities and I think helping them in whatever way you can to help them reach their full potential should be the focus of your job, she is doing the opposite, your right to be so angry, i'm even angry about it! I hope you get a sincere apology from that school and Gabe get's the aid he deserves.

[bcain]

It's the school aide that caths him? Not a nurse?

[jellolegs23]

Unfortunately a lot of these aids are only High School graduates and could care less about the quality job they do. These aids are not paid much so they could care less about the person they are helping it's just unfortunately another job to them. :(

I can understand how frustrating it is to deal with the school system. I have been there many times. It sounds like you are doing great so far! Don't take no for an answer and go to the top of the chain of command if that is what it takes to get what you need. Keep up the great work in advocating for your son!

[jeannemarkowski]

Sounds like a similar issue that I had a few mos ago. I have an 8 year old and he is now cathing himself, but when he wears jeans he needs help buttoning them sometimes. His aid said that if she helped him button his jeans that he would have to miss recess. I lost it. I called the Principal, and she took care of it, but the aid said that she was just teaching him independence. That is his parent's job and his PT's job, not his aids. I was irate. She was punishing him for his disability. Grayson is independent enough. Anyway, it is very frustrating. Noone messes with my boys either!!!

[valerie]

That would just break your heart. what a plonker that aid is... needs to be fired asap.... Good luck, hope it all goes well...

[Canteau24]

just an update....the school system was extremely appoligetic (suprisingly) and immedietly switched him back to his old aid :Banane21: we couldnt be happier!!!

[LisaJoy]

Soooo glad about that! Of course, you'll have to stay on their case for next year. I have a friend whose son has Down Syndrome -- the school district tries to reassign him every year, and every year she fights them and wins. I don't know why they just don't leave well enough alone!

[Dodger67]

Did they surrender when they met your "posse"?
I wonder if you would have had the same result if you went to the meeting alone.
Will they do something about the aide who caused the trouble? It would be sad if other kids have to suffer the same treatment.

[Gymp]

I hope they canned the rotten dysfunctional aid.

Gymp

[sean]

WOW! Can't tell you how much I needed that...missed you guys.
Canteau24 your a scary mother....more power to you!

I had a nurse, during a sterile cathing 'performance', dowse me with either poorly diluted or non diluted alcohol something! (like a balloon). Very traumatic at the time, me a young adult (I think the nurse had to take a break). Now it just makes me laugh, I can barely remember picking off the scabs finding an as new unscared as usual, phew!

But (I'm back), obviously not getting the whole story but how could you not know the aid had changed, like in a day. Sorry you mentioned it, your having urinary diversion surgery on your son becase he's fat!?

Wrong job! I had the worst time with fellow 'residential care workers', 2 yr cert' course min, (excuse me) women who have issues with men to the point of hating them, working with men! I had to report threats made and bullying, didn't have a clue who to trust, 98%women to the top. The two I reported left straight away, I think they feared me from the moment I started, being a man and all.
Mind you, it took me 4/5 yrs to realise I don't care, lol, hope I didn't scar or traumatise anyone along the way. And I'm sure there are people still today talking about the hair cuts I gave them way back, 4th yr apprentice. There were tears.

sean:happy065:

[Canteau24]

hah thanks everyone!! Yea they were totally thrown off guard by my "posse" and honestly i dont think it would have went over so well if i didnt have all them with me, plus i typed out an outline of all the bs events and that threw them for another loop. Personally i was entertained at the meeting :)