Son's aid punished him for not being able to button his pants

[jeannemarkowski]

Hello all,
I am one irate Mama. My 8 year old son is totally independent and he caths himself, but he does have an aid that comes and gets him when he caths and gets his supplies for him. He wore jeans and had trouble buttoning them, and he asked her for help. She told him if she helped him button his jeans that he would have to miss recess. I called the Principal and the Principal spoke with her and sure enough my son was telling the truth. She said she was teaching him to be more independent. My son is as independent as you can get, but there's certain things he can't do. I feel like he was being punished for his disability. How would you handle it?

[XoBLoNDiE85]

That makes my blood boil!!

[angel]

That is bullcrap. I am all for teaching to be independent and it sounds like he is. If he is having trouble then she is there to help not punish. It is may be something he could master with more teaching but the punishment won't do anything but make him feel worse about something he is having trouble with. It sounds like he pushes himself to do everything he can and he should be proud of that! I push my kid to be independent and have used punishment when he just doesn't do what he can and must do to care for himself however i would NEVER punish him for something he simply had trouble with. That is a teaching moment. She was way off base!

Angel

[jeannemarkowski]

Thanks guys, I have never liked her, so now this makes me want to wring her neck. I wondered if we might should have a little meeting with her and the Principal.

[sean]

I'd be so amazed by an 8 year old being so independent that he caths' himself.
Of course I'll help you with a 'button'!!!!...you little hero.

[NerdaliciouS]

That's about the time I get really mad...
My mom actually became known as a "hot-head" all throughout my school years that way, hahaha. I never had all that to deal with, but I'd need help every so often, like on outings or whatever. And when she found out they were so rude... Weeeell, I'm glad I have my mom! xD

What a stupid aid. It's sad that so many are like that. -_-
I say your son's doing awesome, though! Doing so much already! Let's just go kick the aid in the face! (that's pretty much my solution to everything, though, hahaha)

[Makennasmom]

I haven't expierenced that with my sb child because she is only 1, but my 15 year old son has autism, and I have had words not over an aid but a teacher. I don't think these people know how to deal with any type of disability. We have always treated our son just like any other kid, but there are certain things that he just can't do and I don't think they should be punished for that! I think you should talk to the aid and the principal about that. We are the ones that have to stand up for our kids when we feel that someone is treating them unfair. Your son needs to feel proud of his acccomplishments, not get punished for the things that he hasn't mastered yet.

[sean]

PS, What was the point anyway!...if he doesn't do 'this' button up he may never be able to do a button up again??????....not doing 'this' button up wil send him into a cycle of tardiness and undress....ailienating him from society....potential to become a mass murderer... where will it end!

This Aid (does he/she have kids) needs to seriously chillout!!!

[angel]

There are some people who are in the business that just shouldn't be and they need to be weeded out! I won't go into specifics as i don't have permission from the parent but there was a little boy with SB locally who was so mistreated at school by his aid that he just started withdrawing from everyone even his parents. His school preformance went down the tubes, and his over all personality just flipped completly around. His aid that helped him at school was humiliating him, and mistreating. She was a nightmare and when his parents finally found out she was gone!! It didn't take long for him to get back to his happy wonderful self but no child should have to be at the mercy of an incompetent caretaker. That is one of the reasons my mom taught me to be so independent (as it seems you are also doing with your son which is WONDERFUL) she always said "I can't be with you all the time and I want you to know how to make decisions and be able to care for yourself so you won't be at the mercy of anyone else!"

Angel

[gms]

The reaction of that aid is infuriating!!! I have had to deal with stuff like this os many times with my son's aides and I am just thankful that I have a principal that is AWSOME!!

But, on another note.... I know that my 9 year old son with SB has a really hard time with jean buttons. They are too tough on his little fingures, and I want him to be as independant as possible. Solution: A) I look for jeans with snaps on them when purchasing or B) I teak off the hard button and replace it with a snap. I know it seems silly, but he is so much happier when he dosen't have to ask for help. We still work on stregthening in OT, and I hope the day will come when he is able to do whatever he wants, but until then I am happy to take a moment or two with each pair of new pants and make them "Nathaniel ready"... to me it is worth having him feel in control :)

[mattywheels25]

What a champ being as independent as he is a 8 years old. When i was 8 i wasn't as independent thats for sure. That aid definately needs to chill cos that punishment was totally uncalled for and just totally and utterly wrong

[Dodger67]

Is hand strength and dexterity an issue for some with SB or is it "normal" for kids of that age?

[angel]

It could be a little bit of both. My stepson who has no issues at all had trouble depending on which pair of jeans he was wearing some buttons are just tougher than others.

Angel

[jellolegs23]

Your son's independence is remarkable for his age and should be rewarded! I didn't learn to cath myself until I was older.

Does your son normally have trouble buttoning his pants or was it just harder than normal that day? Is he in OT to learn how to button and tie articles of clothing?

I had to be in OT to learn how to button up and unbutton clothing and to tie my shoes. I also had a system set-up for when I was in Early Childhood, I was about 5 years old at the time and we had a chart of all the things I had to learn how to do for myself. Each time I succeeded at doing it I was given a sticker and each time I failed at doing it, I was given a time out to let me know that even though I am disabled I still needed know how to do this for myself. My hands are not really affected so there wasn't anything to really stop me from learning how to do it, it was just going to take time, practice, and hard work. The system worked as I did learn how to dress myself before I entered into elementary school with the exception of putting my shoes on over my leg braces, that was always harder to learn.

Now at the age of 28 almost 29, I am dressing myself completely without the help of any aids and I am able to live completely independent in my own apartment.

Just keep on encouraging him to learn as much as he can for himself! He is already doing a great job!

[Barb]

Dodger-hand strength is an issue in those with Chiari for sure. Carter struggles way more with fine motor than gross.

That being said, you need to have a meeting with the principal and aide and make it clear that if something like this happens again you will escalate it.

[dahliafaolan]

Is hand strength and dexterity an issue for some with SB or is it "normal" for kids of that age?

I don't know about others, but I still have trouble with small buttons. I can do them, but it takes me a bit longer than it does your "average" person.

[mumtotwo]

i'd def have a meeting with the principal the aid is there to 'aid'your son not cut his confidence. How dare he/she! some people just can't help but to be mean

[Gymp]

Nothing wrong with my hands and I've got a few pairs of blue jeans (Wranglers) where the top button is a bugger to do up especially so when the jeans aren't worn in.It seems that the stitching to keep the button hole from fraying tends to make the button hole a tad small making the button a bit of a pain to get through it.I've cursed more than a few times doing them up.

Seems that the aid is a jerk and shouldn't have chosen that profession in the first place.Some people just don't get it!

Gymp