Confused???!!!!!

[LillyPie]

Okay, I have 4 kids, Lilly has SB, and one of my others (Rayna) is dyslexic and I am going to start home schooling her. My life is VERY busy. This is my concern: I told myself and others after Lilly was born that I didnt want to have any more kids, my husband wants one more. So I decided against tying my tubes and opted for an IUD (birth control) and gave myself 5 years to decide what I want. Its been 5 years, and I'm confused...I need to decide ASAP, I hate birth control, I have so many side effects from it, weight gain, hormonal problems, acne, to name a few. My husband still wants to try for another, but I have a lot of concerns. He doesnt have to carry a baby for almost 10 months or deliver a baby (ITS CALLED LABOR FOR A REASON), what if this child also has SB, Lilly requires a lot of my attention and would I have to deprive her of the attention she needs because of a new baby, and OMG 5 kids WTF. To make it worse I had a dream I had a baby the other night, and I caught myself wandering towards the baby clothes the other day at WALMART. I have an appointment in January to discuss tying my tubes and definately having the IUD taken out, I just need to make a decision about having another baby or not, If I am going to have another I better do it now, if Im not then I better tie my tubes now. Someone please help, any comments or suggestions will be helpful!!! PLEASE HELP!!!!:confused::confused::confused::confused:

[LillyPie]

I think I shoulda posted this in "Off Topic" but I think I am emotional about it...sooo

[dahliafaolan]

My own personal opinion is that four children must be difficult enough. I can't imagine having 5 little ones underfoot! If it were me, I would stick with my current family size and concentrate on giving my four existing children all the love and care I can. But then again, I've already decided not to have children of my own (combination of my chances of having an SB child being really high, other genetic conditions in my family history and the perspective father's family history, and my being a person of smaller stature). No one can make the choice for you, but make sure you make a well informed choice. My suggestion is to seek the services of a genetic counselor who would be able to assess your chances of having another child with SB before making your final decision.

[Dodger67]

I'm 3 of 4 and number 4 turned out ok.

However there are 2 year gaps between 2,3,4. Only 19 months between 1 and 2.

I think the long gap you have makes a big difference, just don't ask me what difference.

[Nettie]

It's not something anyone can decide for you, but yourself.

I'm nr 4 out of 4, all born in the space of 5 years, and we fought like cats and dogs. Only today we're best of friends and each other's support. I wouldn't trade my brothers or sister for anything in this world.

I myself have 3 children, and desperately wants a 4th, but hubby said no, he's done...:kleenex:

Personally, I think an even number of children are usally best, but it depends on the family dynamica. My oldest two differ by 2 years. And my youngest was born when the middle one was 4.5 years old. It was so much easier, having a 4-year gap. We've thorougly enjoyed our little baby (he's nearly 2). But, it was difficult having a baby in the house and 2 children in school. I always had to wake the baby to go and fetch the children from school. But it was still worth it. Every minute of it. He's the middle of everyone's universe, we all love and spoil him so much.

I'd do it over in a heartbeat. BUT, I also told my husband that I think after a 4th, I'd be done as well (even though I LOVE babies). Because life just gets too hectic.

Oh, and one last point. My oldest son was diagnosed age 5 with a genitically-linked epilepsy, so we too had to take the agonising decision of having another baby, and maybe have him suffer like his brother as well. In the end I decided that having my oldest son, with epilepsy, is STILL worth it. And him living with it, is STILL worth it. I'm not trying to compare SB with epilepsy, just telling you of our experience.

Good luck with your decision!

[cadon's mum]

I am one of six, and i fall in the middle, my brothers and sisters are my best friends, as a family i don't think that you could get one closer than ours. I am having the same dilemma as you, I am now 35 and have 4 children. 14,9,6, and Cadon 11 mnths. I have also lost 3 . I love babies and everything about them , I love pregnancy and before having cadon I even loved giving birth. ( Cadon scared the hell out of me.) Cadon wasn't planned i was actually just about to start a midwifery course when i found out i was pregnant.
I know my husband would love another child he is also 1 out of five, we have sort of discussed more children and decided that our pregnancy with Cadon was just too stressful to do again, or so i thought... We were clearing out our room the other day and came across a pile of newborn babyclothes and I couldn't put them in the charity bag, I wanted to keep them just in case, isn't that ridiculous!! At 35 my age is against me and I know there is more to life than just producing babies but there is just a little bit inside me that would love another one or possibly two ( I have twin brothers.) My head is saying NO WAY!!!! but my heart is saying something different.

[kali]

I was also debating about having another child after my son was born with sb. now he is ten years old and im still debating...smilesssss!!!!I love kids, but I also worried about not being able to give my son the proper care if there was another. as for having another child with sb, Ive had many friends who have had more children after a child with sb, and not one of them had another child with sb. all of them were very scared during pregnancy but took extra folic acid months before they even got pregnant, and continued the folic acid through out their pregnancy....

[cschalk]

I would have liked to have a larger family but with the stress of a child with a disability and 2 older kids and my difficult pregnancies, I had to accept that I really needed to focus on the children I was aleady blessed with. It was very hard to decide, but it has worked for our family. Moms' health and state of mind and energy are big factors to consider when making this decision.

[sean]

I'm the youngest of six births. For me four kids would be the max, maybe too many (might have to return a couple, get a refund lol).
I reckon even with the "?independence?" of maturity,kids growing up, a mothers need is never done. Your huge big adult children will still need thier mum. Adult problems can be complicated. "I know" it's easy to be lost and forgotten in a crowd.
I reckon save your strength, it ain't over by a long shot.
Less is more.

[bcain]

I love having the little ones around. My older children left home way too early. My son left to go with his dad at age10, my dd left when she was 17.

They are both doing fine now, but the teen years with a baby in tow, was crazy. The teenagers of course loved her. Now Laura and Sarah are 7 yrs apart. Little more jealousy this time, as Sarah(SB) is time consuming and gets more attention being the baby. I had Laura at age 35, it was hard as usual.
With Sarah, I was 42 yrs, with history of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for 4 years. It was very difficult pregnancy, I was so weak, and moved like a sloth. I fell asleep almost instantly at anytime. I had tubes tied after that, no way I could ever do it again.

[eng188]

I am 34 with no kids, and happy that way. I just don't deal well with kids. Even if I liked them, I'm not sure I'd opt to even have one, much less 5, like some folks like.

The logic is that my dream of fatherhood would be to father someone with no problems. The star cheerleader. The lead quarterback. Prom king/queen.

But everybody knows that's not usually how it goes. Kids are unpredictable, and if a health problem occurred, beit spina bifida, down's syndrome, cystic fibrosis, or something down the line, I fear not being able to deal with it.

But, we're all different, and I wish you the wisdom to make the right decision.

[Emm]

I had three children, all of whom were healthy and robust even though they were born within three years. I had no help what-so-ever from my husband and no family to support me either, and it was damn hard work! - and that's a very important factor in having more children. What is the point of increasing your family size if you are not physically able to manage? It will then, in turn, effect your mental ability to cope as well. So sorry to sound rather morbid but it is better to face the fact that having now a child that needs special attention, another baby to deal with may just upset the apple cart.
However, having said all that , I do hope you can come to a happy conclusion, and I wish you all the best for the future.
:peace:

[Jwm]

I am one of 5, (Plus my dad has 2 from his first marriage. but they are in their 30s)

I am going to be 18 in June, an My little sister was just born Last year april.


So right now in the house we have,

17,16,15,10,11 months.